There is a scene from Jane Austen’s novel Sense and Sensibility, portrayed in the 1995 classic movie, that perfectly captures the hypocrisy of two females regarding their artful words. As they decorate their hats in the sunny parlor, chatting about possible suiters and marriage futures, young Miss Lucy Steele garners enough courage to confess, “It is a very great secret. I’ve told nobody in the world for fear of discovery.”

Mrs. Fanny Dashwood, dressed to the nines, speaks gently to reassure her young friend: “I am the soul of discretion.”

“If I dared tell…” Lucy nervously responds.

“I can assure you that I am as silent as the grave,” Mrs. Dashwood solemnly promises with a shrewd half-smile.

Lucy slowly leans over and whispers in Mrs. Dashwood’s ears, “It’s your younger brother, Edward, I’ve been secretly engaged to these last five years….”

With feathers flying about, the next moment suddenly becomes a complete frenzy when with flailing arms the two women shriek at one another. Mrs. Dashwood pinches Lucy’s nose and forces her off the premises, driving the trusting young woman away.

I believe we all think we are the “soul of discretion.” Would any of us actually admit to another person we are conversing with, “You know, I’m taking note of every word you say so I can tell others of all your weaknesses, character flaws, past mistakes, and present struggles?”

“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret,” states Proverbs 11:13.

The two keywords above are “confidence” and “secret.” The writer is clearly saying that something shared confidentially should be kept a secret by the hearer. This means no one else is privy to this information. If that hearer shares it with just one other person without their permission, you are “betraying” the confidence and sharing what was meant to be kept a secret. The Scripture is clear: We are not to share others’ secrets but only our own as they relate to us. We never see Jesus in the Gospel writings revealing the secrets of others who confided in Him. Instead, He is honest with His disciples and confronts His enemies face to face. Jesus always loved His own and will love us to the uttermost.

James, who has the most scathing passages on the harm caused by the gossip in his third chapter, lays out a profound principle in the last chapter of his letter: “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” Notice how he never says, “Confess other’s sins to one another….” Perish the thought! On the contrary, we are to confess our very own sins that we are responsible for to another person and pray for each other. Why? So we can be healed and freed from our sins. It is a beautiful thing when you are sharing your weaknesses and struggles with diverse temptations, and the listener is emboldened to share their own. There is one thing we sinners all have in common, and that is wrestling with our own sinful, selfish natures (Romans 7).

But, we sinners have a big problem. We LOVE to share other’s secrets and struggles. Why? Because it distracts us from our own and feeds our pride. In addition, we love to stir up drama, passively and aggressively. We actually crave it like we crave our favorite foods. Proverbs 18:8 says, “The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the innermost parts.” The gossip offers tasty treats to the hearer. Still, they never preface what they say with this reality: “These words of mine will have a detrimental effect on the good name of the person I am talking about, and your good opinion will ever be tainted, like an infected wound.” There will always be gossips around us, but we must take responsibility to turn a deaf ear. Proverbs 17:4 declares, “Wrongdoers eagerly listen to gossip; liars pay close attention to slander.” The sin lies with the listener as well as the slanderer, and we all know who fans it into flame. “[Our tongue] can set our whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself,” James warns.

Proverbs 16:28 wisely states, “A contrary person spreads strife, and a gossip separates close friends.” This lays out the end objective of the talebearer: dividing people from each other. The Bible calls this being divisive, and Paul laid out stern warnings to stay away from them. It is always up to the hearer of gossip to recognize it and immediately turn away. That is how we protect our hearts from believing distrustful words. Jesus said that evil slander comes from our hearts (Matthew 15:19). Jesus gave us His example of a Good Shepherd who gathers His sheep together, not scattering them apart like the wolf. When we hear a juicy tidbit and are tempted to attend to divisive words, we must immediately turn to God in repentance and ask Him for wisdom. Sometimes, the simplest statements can quench the spiteful words. For example, “I know this person of whom you speak, and this doesn’t sound like them at all!” Or, “Are you planning to talk with them about it?”

I remember many years ago arriving at a retreat for church leaders. One of the pastor’s wives came to my room to pay me a “welcome visit,” and she quickly steered the conversation to another pastor’s wife, a mutual friend of ours. But instead of enriching words, she went on to share how she could not believe how many men this woman had slept with before she was saved and married. So dismayed, I excused myself from the conversation and closed my door. I wagged my head in disbelief and wondered, “What was that all about?” I realized that we cannot always figure out what others’ motives are, but we can hear their words for what they are and shun them. I really liked this pastor’s wife but realized that I was leery of trusting her in the future.

A few years ago, I went through months of training to become a chaplain in the workplace. One section of our curriculum involved keeping the confidences of the employees that we were serving. It was excellent instruction and has guided me through many interactions with employers and their staff. Basically, we are never allowed to share a confidence unless it is regarding direct physical harm to another or illegal behavior against the company where they are employed. Imagine how difficult it is to hear the gossip of disgruntled employees, some of whom are stirring up a possible mutiny, and not be able to share with their boss. Yet we made an agreement at the outset never to share confidences.

Many years ago, I was at the deathbed of a woman facing her last days. She shared with me a deep, terrible incident of abuse she had gone through as a young girl. After she revealed her burden that had been buried for decades, she made me promise that I’d never tell her grown daughter. I have never uncovered her secret, though I knew her daughter would better understand her mother’s life if she had this information. Honoring someone’s last wishes is a great gift we can give the sick and dying. And the honorable one.

Sadly, many family members allow gossip to flourish within their homes. The wife tells her husband the “latest” on the person of interest, and he reveals personal tidbits, adding kindling to the flames. Maybe it is the wayward uncle, alcoholic cousin, or annoying in-law. Why should the mother’s low opinion of her brother interfere with her child’s opinion of him? Otherwise, we are hindering any relationship between them and their uncle in the future. This is simply wrong. We should keep our negative opinions of others to ourselves and thus not thwart the forming of relationships within the extended family circles.

I could not count the number of talks I have had with women, reinforcing the need to keep the confidence of other women who confide in them, even from their husbands. Unless, of course, they are directly told to share with their husbands. However, most women do not want their privacy shared with other men. And we must seek their permission before we ever repeat struggles confided to our hearts alone. This is especially important when children are present.

In ministry life, we are all called to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Sometimes, those tears we see are accompanied by a lot of pain, faults, and past regrets. Sometimes, our struggles are shared in confidence in the hope of finding an understanding heart that can relate. It is incumbent upon us to protect these fragile hearts with our listening ears and a love that covers a multitude of sins. Never uncover what the blood of Christ has covered. Paul’s words to the Thessalonians seem apropos here: “Now as to the love of the brethren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another… But we urge you, brethren, to excel still more and make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, attend to your own business, and work with your hands, just as we commanded you….” A quiet life means a quiet heart and a quiet mouth.

I believe part of the problem with keeping someone’s confidence to ourselves is that this burden of knowledge is so heavy on our hearts, and thus difficult to bear. At times, what we listen to is completely overwhelming. We immediately want to unload it on someone else to lighten our load. Yet I have discovered that if we persevere without violating confidentiality, the burden becomes much lighter after many days. The Lord invites us to share with Him so we can honor the confider. “Cast your burdens upon the LORD and He will take care of you,” He says in Psalm 55:22

It is a dark world out there because of the ceaseless malevolent words being instigated by hearts of darkness. Christ has a different path. He leads the way with gentleness and truth so we can be lights that can shine bright in this gloom. Thank the Lord He has shed His blood to cover our sin and guilt of gossiping, offering the gift of forgiveness. The Holy Spirit will give us the power of silence when needed and guide us to peaceful pathways and words that will bring grace to our hearers.

As a child at Christmas, our family crèche was placed in the living room next to a tall, lighted noble fir tree, dripping with ornaments from all over the world. My parents celebrated this day with all the trimmings—lots of presents, a huge feast, and a beautifully decorated home with all the winter charm. We were not a churchgoing family, yet I sometimes attended a Lutheran Sunday School with my siblings. I remember my twin brother and I waking up early in the morning and being exceptionally quiet, trying not to wake my parents so they would keep sleeping and we could miss church, once again. As we grew older, they lost interest in taking us.

A Family Tradition

My understanding of Christmas was partly formed alongside our captivating Nativity crèche with its silent figures, drawing my playful attention. For weeks, I would stare at the ceramic figure of Mary on both knees in adoration of her baby, Jesus, holding both hands to her heart. Next to her was Joseph, kneeling on one knee, keeping guard at the manger. One lone shepherd, dressed in rags, stood at a distance, holding a lamb on his shoulders while surrounded by his devoted sheep. Most fascinating to me were the three wisemen, dressed in glorious attire with turbans on their heads and holding gifts for the helpless Baby. One wiseman knelt reverently, while the other two waited their turn to present their offerings.

I spent hours moving the animals around in this enchanting scene, which also included a cow, donkey, and sheep. Which one should I place next to the special Babe that everyone sang about? A birthday celebration surrounded by animals and shepherds in wonderment captured my imagination. It seemed unheard of—yet also so believable.

The Surprising Theological Depth of Carols and Christmas Films

Besides the crèche, my childlike conception of the incarnation was also formed by the Christmas albums stacked high,playing for hours on our hi-fi stereo near the tree. The music filled the air, as did the smell of spritz cookies baking in the oven. Throughout December, the great crooners from the 1930s to the 1960s serenaded me day and night.

The peace I felt hearing Bing Crosby sing “Silent Night” taught me that the birth of Jesus came silently and humbly, filling my heart with wonder. Bing’s soothing voice singing of heavenly peace still brings nostalgia to this day.

Nat King Cole’s version of “Silent Night” added another memorable verse: “Son of God, loves pure light, radiant beams from Thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace.” I didn’t know what “redeeming grace” meant at the time, yet the words sounded so calming.

In our idyllic, Christmas-decorated home, the Bible was never opened or read. The longest reading of Scripture I heard as a child was from the movie, A Charlie Brown Christmas, when Linus recited Luke 2:8-14, explaining “what Christmas is all about.”

Understanding Deepened

“The First Noël,” sung joyfully by Crosby, spoke of shepherds “keeping their sheep on a cold winter’s night that was so deep.” Then they looked up and saw “a bright star shining there in the East beyond them far!” Like a golden thread in a tapestry, the bright star was woven into many Christmas carols. Kings followed it, Mary and Joseph saw it, and songs were written to honor such a celestial miracle. At the top of our family crèche, we added a gold foil star, and my chubby fingers wedged it into the roof of the stable, just above Baby Jesus. The mystery of that star continues to fascinates me today.

Frank Sinatra’s triumphant “Hark the Herald Angels Sing,” taught me about the heavenly angels who sang in celebration at Jesus’ birth, “Glory to the newborn king!” This Baby was worshiped as King by other kings from the Orient, praised by angels, and treasured by His adoring parents. The line, “God and sinners, reconciled,” was far above my understanding, but it sounded hopeful!

“O Little Town of Bethlehem,” sung by Elvis, introduced me to a little hamlet far away in Israel, across the world from me in the state of Washington. Israel had only been a nation for twelve years when I was born. Since I had never read the Bible, I had no idea of this ancient country’s history. But I learned that “the hopes and fears of all the years” were met in Bethlehem on that wonderful night. I did not understand why, but listening to Crosby and Sinatra sing “O Come all ye Faithful,” I sensed a calling to adore this Babe born in Bethlehem, this King of angels. I was curious, but clueless.

Of all the Christmas carols I heard as a child, my favorite was “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen,” sung by Nat King Cole. I did not know what “tidings” were, but “comfort and joy” appealed to my young mind. Trying to comprehend “Satan and his power,” however, along with “we were gone astray” took another decade to decipher. It was then that my parents told me they did not believe in “the adversary.”

From Barbra Streisand’s 1967 Christmas album, I heard the haunting lyric, “I wonder as I wander out under the sky, how Jesus the Savior, did come for to die.” This early American Christmas hymn, planted new thoughts into my mind. Andy Williams echoed similar sentiments on his Christmas Album, (he had the best one, by the way). He laments in his song of apology, “Sweet little holy Child,” that “We didn’t know who You were. Didn’t know You’d come to save us Lord, to take our sins away; our eyes were blind, we could not see, we didn’t know who You were.” These lyrics made me curious. Did I know who He was? The words helped me understand that Jesus was born for a higher purpose, for something grander that I could ever imagine.

Result: A Softened Heart

Growing up, even in a non-believing home, both the crèche and the carols softened my heart with a tenderness for Jesus. There He lay, perfect and harmless, a little child like me. I felt struck by the reality of the Christmas story, the simple, humble beauty of it all. When my sixteenth birthday rolled around a decade later, I transposed my life into the line from “O Holy Night” that says, “Long lay the world, in sin and error pining, ‘til He appeared, and my soul felt its worth.”

At sixteen, I came face to face with my own sin, weakness, and brokenness. My mind recalled the sweet memories of Jesus born as a gift for me, my Savior to receive and my King to worship. I had no gold or sweet spices to offer, but I did not hesitate to present my heart to Him. Deep down, I knew He would treasure my gift. And in exchange, He gave me a thrill of hope for my weary soul.

“Bless all the dear children in Thy tender care, and take us to Heaven to live with Thee there.”

The day began like any other. Getting myself up and ready to face the world at my job, along with the anticipation of seeing my grandchildren’s faces later in the day. But as I was putting on eye makeup, I suddenly found myself in a desperate place and subsequently landed in front of a doctor at our local urgent care clinic.

As I’d applied my pencil eyeliner that morning, a sliver of wood shaving flicked into my right eye. Immediately my eye watered uncontrollably, becoming red as a beet, and the pain! It felt as though someone was poking a needle into my eye, over and over.

I begged my husband, Wayne, to drive me to the clinic as I had to hold my eyelid open to prevent blinking and thus aggravating the sliver impaled in my eye. This doctor sent me to an ER in downtown Seattle, for they alone had an ophthalmologist on call 24/7.

We arrived at a scene of total chaos in Seattle: the largest ER trauma center serving five states. Patients surrounded me, many of them yelling at everyone but no one in particular. My son Nick walked over from his nearby hospital job and started advocating for those “numbing drops” that took away the pain instantly (but wore off in 20 minutes).

I was told I had an abrasion or worse, a laceration on my cornea. This ER eye doc spent nearly an hour closely examining me with all the specialized equipment. I begged once again for more of those “numbing drops,” but his response surprised me. “Mrs. Taylor, I know that works, but the drops have been found to melt the cornea if overused, so no, you’ll have to endure this pain for a while longer.”

“There’s something impaling my eyeball,” I complained. He assured me nothing was there anymore, except that my cornea had suffered four abrasions that affected my line of sight. After completing a vision test, I couldn’t even see the largest letter on top of the chart!

Lessons Learned in the ER

What I didn’t say to the doctor was that I’d been having a conversation while in the waiting room. “Lord, please take this piece of wood out of my eye! Please, I’ll never criticize again. I’ll stop trying to take the speck out of everyone else’s eye. I’ll only deal with the plank in my own if You take this one away. Please have mercy on me, Lord!”

After my eye recovered from this painful ordeal, I got rid of all my wood pencil eyeliners and realized what Jesus meant in Luke 6:41. One can’t function at all with a wooden plank in their eye, let alone clearly see the speck in another brother’s or sister’s eye. Inevitably, you become myopic, hypercritical, faultfinding, and nitpicking.

In Luke 6:42, Jesus goes on to say, “How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me remove the speck (piece of chaff) that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother’s eye.”

One can’t see straight or function rationally with a wooden plank plaguing them. Jesus is using humor here to exaggerate His point.

It’s so easy to see another person’s faults with a microscope and our own with binoculars turned backward.

Only the person who has honestly faced, and dealt with, their own deep-set character flaws is able to help others who are struggling. Thus, it comes from a personal testimony point of view, not an accusatory one.

Why We Become Critical

Why do we become people with a critical spirit? Why do we harbor arrogant eyes toward others or worse, give voice to thoughts of malice that cross our minds?

I remember hearing the words of the English pastor Stanley Vote who was challenged by East African believers who taught him, “When you point the finger, there are always three pointing back at you.” These believers showed Stanley the verse in Isaiah 58:9, pointing out that all too often we focus upon other’s faults, neglecting to recognize the real work the Spirit is doing in our own souls, which is showing us how to love at a much deeper level. The Holy Spirit is holy and will not cease to convict us of unloving thoughts and words until we are face to face with Jesus.

Oftentimes, I believe we focus on other’s specks so we don’t have to look at our own planks. It becomes a distraction for us, a diversion from doing business with God and facing our own sin, responsibility, and repentance for our own glaring weaknesses. Playing the hypocrite can buy us time, but it doesn’t buy us blood-bought divine forgiveness and the peace that follows.

Removing the plank is first, thus seeing our sin in God’s perfect light and asking for mercy that is new every morning, enlightening our darkness. We then see the light of forgiveness shining bright. God is more eager to forgive us than we are ready to repent.

There are additional nefarious reasons we’re critical toward others. We see certain people as our competition, so we feel threatened. I’ve witnessed this firsthand throughout decades in the ministry. Musicians criticizing others in the field, degrading their talent and motives. Pastors speaking disparagingly of nearby pastors in their towns, accusing them of “sheep stealing,” pride, shallow teaching, or other accusations.

James gives an exhortation regarding jealousy as a motive of our critical heart in his famous chapter on the taming of the tongue:

“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice” James 3:14–15.

What Fuels Criticism

Another issue that fuels criticism is a guilty conscience. We’ve done or spoken wrong of another person, but instead of repenting and apologizing to them, we turn on them.

There’s a scene in Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility that perfectly captures this issue. When the hypocrite, Willoughby, is unjustly criticizing Colonel Brandon, Elinor asks him, “But why should you dislike him?” He answers, “I do not dislike him. I consider him, on the contrary, as a very respectable man, who has everybody’s good word, and nobody’s notice; who, has more money than he can spend, more time than he knows how to employ, and two new coats every year.”

It’s not until the end of the story that we find out Willoughby has fathered a child with Brandon’s goddaughter and has completely abandoned her. Human nature will do anything other than repent honestly, and if it means maligning good people, so be it.

Somehow, we think by degrading them, we no longer have to apologize for they’re not worthy. But our hypocrisy is easily seen by others who hear our biting critical words.

Unforgiveness turned into bitterness is another noxious weed that springs up into a critical spirit which “spreads, causes trouble and defiles many” (Heb. 12:15 NIV). Bitterness, like a weed, can live underground, unseen for a time, but eventually will manifest into words. Jesus said the following after speaking about planks and specks in our eyes: “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45 NKJV).

Jesus is saying Look at your words! Hear what you’re saying! If it’s good fruit, it’s a good tree. If it’s bad fruit, it’s a bad tree, full of thorns and briars. If you find your mouth quick to criticize someone, examine your heart. Does it contain unforgiveness that you must let go of? If so, repent and don’t give voice to your bitterness. Thankfully, the blood of Christ covers this sin as well.

The Sin Inherent in Hypercritical Judgmentalism

Hypercritical judgmentalism is a sin Jesus constantly refers to in His teachings. An example is found just four verses before the planks and specks verses. “Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37 NKJV). Jesus sees how sinful people have a terrible time with self-righteousness. Instead of trusting in the atonement of the cross, we flaunt our own criteria for being truly enlightened and spiritual.

And when we see someone in violation of our “list,” we criticize them to their face, or worse, behind their back. We had parishioners condemn our own church, and leave, because we “promoted witchcraft.” This was because they found C.S. Lewis’ book The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe on our shelf.

The twin of judgmental sin is having unreasonable expectations that go unmet. This sin manifests itself in families, churches, and the workplace. I work as a chaplain in three different places of business, and I’m shocked to hear employees constantly criticize management, supervisors, and owners. Although they’ve been given a good job, verbal condemnation is their response.

Back to the scripture that the East African believers showed to our friend Stanley Voke. It’s found sandwiched between promises and challenges:

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and He will say: ‘Here am I.’
If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
and if you give yourself to the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
Isaiah 58:9-10 NIV

Notice three things: what we aren’t to do, what we are to do, and what we will become if we do obey. First, we are to cease oppressing others with our critical words, finger-pointing, and maligning. Second, we are to call on the name of the Lord for help in feeding the hungry and meeting the needs of the afflicted and oppressed.

Scripture then promises that our light will shine brightly in the darkness. It’s followed next by the promise that “You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring” (Isaiah 58:11 NLT). I know what it’s like to sit down in a watered garden. It’s peaceful. Plants are wilting no longer, and one can abide within its beauty, enjoying the fruit ripening and the flowers blossoming.

Becoming Numb to the Spirit’s Conviction

If we keep indulging our right to have a critical spirit, we can risk becoming numb to the work of the Holy Spirit’s conviction.

If we keep applying “numbing drops” so we no longer feel the sting of conviction, we risk becoming blind to our sin. As Jesus said in Matt.15:14, “We become blind guides leading the blind.”

Seeing Clearly

So, let’s take out the planks from our own eyes. Upon seeing clearly, we can truly help others avoid falling into the pits in this world.

My clear vision returned two or three weeks after my injury. But my perspective was totally changed. Thank God it did.

Like most women, I have faced many difficult trials throughout my life. What has steadied me and brought me through with hope? The Word of God and the Word made flesh. I cannot imagine what my life would have held if not for this anchor for my soul, this wisdom, and the promised presence of Jesus through it all.

In my previous article, “Women’s Bible Study, Where Are You?” posted on 3/3/23, I expounded on the case for women’s Bible study—how Paul recognized the need for women to teach other women the Word of God for its practical application to their lives. The following is my testimony, partial for sure, of how God used His Word to provide hope in my dire need of divine wisdom.

In my early 20’s, I had four children in eight years. The first time I ever read the Scriptures was at the age of 16, so I was a true novice. I soon discovered that the Bible held the truth I needed about these little humans and what family life should look like. I had joined a weekly women’s Bible study which provided an in-depth look into either the epistles of Paul, the gospels, or one of the major Old Testament historical books. There I learned about being created in the image of God, the fall of mankind, original sin, and how everyone was born into this world with a sinful nature.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” – Romans 3:23 (NIV)

This knowledge helped me navigate through raising little sinners who, to my shock and surprise, did not want to behave like Scripture taught! And in response, I found myself not responding in the right ways to their tiny rebellions and mutinies. The prevailing childrearing teaching of the 80’s was that children were born basically good, and they just needed a healthy self-image to behave themselves. However, these ideas did not bear witness to the reality of what I saw in my own children.

During their naptimes, I had to look up verses about losing one’s temper, being quarrelsome, outbursts of anger, and the need to repent of these weaknesses of character. I saw that, as a parent, I was called to teach my children the ways of the Lord, to nurture and train them with gentle discipline. The doctrine of “original sin” is the only one we can prove by simple observance of human behavior, both ours and that of others.

Do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)

Yes, we are fallen creatures, fallen from the image of God. But I learned that the Holy Spirit of God is sent to teach, comfort, and transform us into the image of Jesus Christ. By observing other women raising their older children in the ways of the Lord, I gleaned needed wisdom from them and applied it to my own growing family.

Throughout my life I faced threatening health issues. At age 17, I was diagnosed with cancer and went through surgery to remove it. In my late 20’s, it cropped up its ugly head again, so I had radioactive iodine treatment to destroy the remaining cancer cells. During this time, I saw in my Bible that Scripture taught “children were gifts from the Lord,” not burdens. God promised needed strength, and I learned to continually give thanks to God that I was even able to bear four children in-between these life-threatening trials.

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” – Psalm 127:3 (NIV)

Drowning in laundry, chores, my kids’ school homework, and sibling rivalry, I found myself again complaining about the tedious workload of family life. “Lord, is this really my calling in life? To fold Nicky’s tiny t-shirts which takes no brains whatsoever?”

Serving Wholeheartedly, As If Serving the Lord, Not People (Ephesians 6:7)

In my mid-30’s, I was diagnosed with a large cyst on my ovary the size of a grapefruit, so I underwent surgery again to remove the mysterious mass. When I woke up, I feared the worst—that I had lost my ovaries and my uterus due to cancer. My petty complaints suddenly turned to desperate pleas: “Lord, if I am not around anymore, who will take joy in folding Nicky’s tiny t-shirts?” Thankfully, it was a non-cancerous dermoid cyst that was easily removed, and one of my ovaries had been spared.

In Paul’s teaching to the church at Colossea, I learned how all work is noble whether tedious or not. He encourages us to perform our work “heartily, as unto the Lord rather than for men” for He sees all and will reward our work done for Him, “for it is the Lord Christ whom I serve” (Col. 3:24, NASB). This promise transformed my attitude toward monotonous labor and freed me from complaining.

Up until my early 40’s, I had been plagued with a wavering insecurity before God. Confidence and boldness did not describe me, but instead I had this nagging feeling that the Lord barely tolerated me. I knew I was saved because I believed the gospel, but I wondered if in Heaven I would be just a wallflower and God would be stuck with me only because I had the golden ticket of faith.

During that time, the women in our church were studying the epistle of Paul to the Ephesians. The truths I uncovered verse by verse in chapter one alone challenged all my wrong thinking. By following a plan of homework in weekly Bible study, we looked up cross references all over the Old and New Testaments. In doing this, we learned how to uncover the whole counsel of God and its endless treasure of promises throughout.

“In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.” – Ephesians 3:12 (NIV)

In Ephesians chapter one, I learned that God willingly chose me and placed me in Christ as holy and blameless through the blood of Jesus’ forgiveness. I was not only born again into His family, but also adopted through Jesus according to His good pleasure. I was wholly accepted by Him! God desired to lavish His grace upon me, not just now on earth, but in the ages to come. Forever and ever, He would show me the surpassing riches of His grace with tender kindness (Eph. 2:7). I could never have imagined such an eternal inheritance that awaited me.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.” – Ephesians 1:3 (NIV)

God used His words of truth to transform me from a flickering candle to a beloved child with a burning heart for my Savior, Christ Jesus. Studying Ephesians planted truths into my soul that imparted God’s heart towards me, and the seeds bore fruit that still nourish my faith decades later. I can now say with confidence, “I am my Savior’s darling” (J. Keble).

I continued to struggle with whether to believe every feeling that passed through my mind like a storm-driven black cloud. God’s Word stood fixed and shining bright, enabling me to see the truth clearly. Scripture taught me a realistic view of suffering. Isaiah 53 spoke about the anguish Jesus suffered to die for our sins, and so I eventually learned to dispel the lies that God was greatly displeased with me and that was why He sent more trials into my life.

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” – Isaiah 53:5 (NIV)

Like Seed Grown on Good Soil, Hearing the Word, Accepting It, and Producing a Crop More Than What Was Sown (Mark 4:20)

So much of personal Bible study is implanting seeds of truth into our hearts that will grow to blossom much later. Often, we might not be in great need of a particular passage of Scripture, but we cultivate its truths deep within, so when the time comes and we find ourselves wilting from the heat, those roots will already be growing deep in order to ground us firmly in hope.

Such was the case in my mid-40’s. I had studied 1 Peter years prior in our weekly women’s study, but the hope I read about was not readily applied until I was diagnosed a third time with re-occurring cancer. After 18 years in remission, I was shocked at the new diagnosis. This time, a massive dose of radiation was ordered by the doctor. My children were now high school and college age, and my pleas were, “Please Lord, let me live to see the fruit of my labors! I want to see them get married, have children, and I want to enter the joys of grandmotherhood!”

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

The first dose did not eradicate all the cancer, so another massive dose was called for by the nuclear medicine doctors. But as I waited months for the results of the treatment, I watched my twin brother die of AIDS and saw my mom and brother go through chemo for their own battles with cancer. The acute turmoil I suffered can hardly be revisited without tears. My joy and peace were nowhere to be found, so I meditated on the verses penned by Peter in his first chapter, trying to comprehend how I was to rejoice in these various trials as he mentions in verse 6.

“In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” – 1 Peter 1:6-7 (NIV)

I read his descriptions of fiery trials as being grievous suffering and distressing, causing great heaviness. Such comfort I received affirming the reality of my own experience!

Then I discovered how my joy is based on the truths found in verses 3 through 6, that I have been “born again to a living hope through Jesus’ resurrection, my eternal inheritance is imperishable, reserved in heaven and will never fade away.” I rested my hope fully on the shed blood of Christ to cover me, and that is where I found my promised peace and joy of my salvation once again. I learned the secret to “just lie passive in God’s Hand and know no will but His.” (Plummer).

There are countless times that God used His Word to expand my wavering faith. I found myself “hanging upon Jesus’ every word” (Luke 19:48, NASB) to survive every dark valley I walked through. His promises brought the needed light to take the next step. He nurtures the seeds within my heart to bear fruit a hundredfold. His Word is the life-giving bread that restores my soul and rejoices my heart, just like my twelve grandchildren.

Indeed, the Word made flesh has become my closest Companion.

“From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. ‘You do not want to leave too, do you?’ Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.'” – John 6:66-68 (NIV)

As I talk with women involved in ministry all over the world, I hear similar themes repeated over and over such as, “Women these days aren’t interested in participating in a women’s Bible study anymore” or “Our church doesn’t have a separate women’s ministry” or “At a missionary conference there weren’t any women’s ministry breakout sessions because women joined the men based on a ministry category.”

As a pastor’s wife for over 42 years and women’s ministry leader for over 38 years, this is very sad to hear. I noticed involvement starting to wane before Covid hit in 2020. It was rare to see newcomers attend a weekly Bible study. During the pandemic, we had maybe 2 new women among our 40, all safely distanced and mask-covered. It was all too easy to fall into discouragement during those long months. A fellow pastor’s wife from western Europe wrote me the following: “There are so many areas where women need teaching, support and encouragement. But there appears to be a real aversion to any type of prepared [Bible] study!”

After surviving worldwide pandemic and lockdowns, I expected the zeal for an in-person weekly Bible study to increase greatly. But it hasn’t. True, I have a small circle of women friends who are thrilled to get back into the discipline of a weekly, in-person Bible study to discuss homework and the spiritual gems we’ve uncovered. Yet, we’ve been together for decades and are now in our sixties and seventies. Today, there are only a handful of newcomers who share a kindred spirit for the same. What happened? I don’t know.

Older Women Encouraging and Teaching Younger Women

We find the Apostle Paul’s call and exhortation in his epistle to Titus. In a series of appeals, Paul urges Titus to appoint elders in every city, explaining that these men must be godly, loving, faithful, just, and devout. These elders are to teach, “holding fast the faithful word … that they may exhort in sound doctrine” (Titus 1:7-9). Paul continues with words of guidance to the older men, older women, young men, and bondservants.

Obviously, I will only delve into Paul’s teaching regarding women. In Titus 2:3-5 Paul says, “The older women, likewise, be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things—that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.”

I’m always intrigued by the one-time use of a certain Greek or Hebrew word in the Bible, and Paul uses a unique and beautiful word in verse three. The older women are to be “teachers of good things.” In Greek the word is “kalodidaskalos,” which literally means “a teacher of goodness,” that is, teaching what is precious, excellent, honorable, praiseworthy, and commendable. Paul qualifies his exhortation with mature women teaching the younger and fulfilling the characteristics of a godly woman. He doesn’t say the older men or younger men are to teach these things; only the older women are given this calling. Why? To instruct in practical application of Scripture “so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, and to love their children” (Titus 2:4).

So, according to Paul, the women are to be “teachers of good things.” The root word for teacher is “didaskalos,” used elsewhere in Scripture, as in Ephesians 4:11: “God gave some as pastors and teachers.” That word is used 58 times to describe Jesus, the apostles, or anyone who taught the things of God and salvation. The Greek word for teaching or doctrine is the root of the above, “didache,” which is used over 30 times in the New Testament concerning Jesus, the apostles, or lay leaders. It’s understood that teaching isn’t limited to casual chit-chat at the village well—though it may include that—but the imparting of specific wisdom and spiritual knowledge to others.

The mature women of the local churches have a calling and duty to teach practical application of church doctrine to women so they may raise up a new generation of godly followers of Christ. These teachers are to encourage a disposition of kindness, faithfulness, self-control, and sensible living.

Here again, Paul uses two different words for love in verse four that he only uses one time in all his writings: “love their husbands, to love their children.” Regarding husbands, Paul uses the Greek word, “philandros,” which speaks of the warm and affectionate love of a close companion. Regarding children, Paul uses the unique Greek word, “philoteknos,” which means to be fond of one’s own children. We recognize, of course, the root in both of these lovely words, “philo,” which is the Greek word for friendship love that’s full of sincere affection.

Older Women Addressing the Spiritual Needs of Younger Women

I observe that women everywhere are inclined to look to their women friends in order to glean the wisdom they’re searching for, wisdom about living a steadfast, faithful life in God. But this hunger can only be satisfied by the Word of God. I’ve yet to see a young mom approach her pastor when she needs wisdom for how to deal with her PMS so she doesn’t scream at her children. Nor have I seen a young working woman talk to her male pastor about being sexually harassed at her job. There’s a push these days to treat men and women the same, concluding that they have the same needs.

But the Apostle Paul didn’t think so. He said older women are best suited to address the spiritual needs of younger women. One such teaching could center around “How to potty train your toddler without violating the sixth commandment.” At a pastors/leader’s conference, instead of having women attend a session together with men about how to preach to atheistic millennials, provide a breakout time with teaching about how to pray for and reach their own backslidden atheist 20-somethings. The hearts of these women are broken and they need hope!

No Demand vs. No Opportunity

I don’t believe there are men in ministry silently cancelling the women’s ministry, but rather, they’re raising a finger to the wind and concluding there’s no demand for women’s Bible study. There’s waning interest among women to gather together after doing a week’s worth of study and then to share with one another. That said, women need one another—young and old, single and married, workers outside and inside the home. I’ve never met a pastor who wouldn’t be thrilled if half the people in the congregation were practicing the spiritual discipline of meditation and application of God’s Word every day.

I think church leaders must step up to the plate to fulfill the Apostle Paul’s call for women’s ministry in the local churches. Pastors need to find the older women teachers in their church body and give them opportunities to teach the other women. Most often, they’re not the pastor’s wife. Rooms need to be available with childcare provided if it’s a daytime study. It seems a general understanding to provide our churches with Sunday School directors who oversee the teaching of the little children during the services. But these kids are at church maybe only two to four hours a week. Mothers have the care and responsibility to raise up their little ones … for 84 waking hours—every week of the year. It would be far more effective to teach moms directly about how to impart the way of Jesus to their own young ones.

The Growth Opportunities Women’s Bible Study Fosters

In 2 Timothy 1:5, we see examples of this in Timothy’s grandmother, Lois, and his mother, Eunice, who taught him a rich and genuine faith. They could impart the truth of Scripture to Timothy because they knew the Word and built their homes on God’s truth. All women, young and old, single and married, should be diligent to present themselves to God proven workers who don’t need to be ashamed, teaching the message of truth accurately (2 Tim. 2:15).

Hopefully we don’t have to look too hard to find a Bible study; those should be provided for us through our churches. By joining one, we’ll find that much-needed mutual support for mining the spiritual gems of Scripture that we’ll treasure in our hearts. In this way, we’ll be equipped to share God’s wisdom and help our children withstand the storms blowing through their lives.