I just spent the last two weeks in Eastern Europe, where I had the opportunity to take 7 men to do an outreach and help facilitate the Calvary Chapel Romanian Transform conference. Because of the date of the Romanian Easter, we celebrated the resurrection of Christ twice this year! Once at Calvary Everett and a week later in a city called Cluj, Napoca. Let me share with you why this was an Easter I will never forget.

On our first night of outreach in Cluj we noticed dozens of young people coming out of a building nearby. We could instantly tell that they were Christians (it was written all over their faces!) so we spent some time fellowshipping with them in the middle of the darkened street. Within a few minutes, a smiling brother walked up to me and introduced himself as the pastor of the nearby church. As we talked together we were graciously invited to their Easter service which we accepted. As I walked away I pondered in my heart why God had setup this divine appointment, little did I know that God wanted to deal with some unfinished business in my life.

“Eclesia” church meets in an upper room of what appears to be a large house and Easter morning it was completely packed full of people. The church had constructed an incredibly realistic empty tomb on the stage and the worship team began to play in front of it. The band was worshipful, the scripture reading was powerful and then a dozen children in costume came forward to perform their Easter play…I loved it! I couldn’t understand Pastor Virgil’s message very well but his daughter came and sat with our team and she graciously whispered the translation. All in all, it was a glorious morning!

After the service, the chairs were stacked against the side walls and people come forward with trays of coffee. I spoke with a number of people for about fifteen minutes and then I excused myself, as it was very hot upstairs and I wanted to get some fresh air. As I turned around to leave though, a man appeared in front of me and looking me right in the eyes said “do you remember me?”. Standing in front of me was my Easter divine appointment, someone I hadn’t seen in almost two decades. His name was Nicu.

You see, Nicu was my landlord in 1994 when I lived on Strada Suceava in Cluj. Calvary Chapel Cluj was started in the small house I rented from Nicu with about 50 wild teenagers. Our weekly meetings resembled punk rock concerts with a Bible study at the end (no we did not have a mosh pit, we were a church)! Our neighbors had never seen anything like what was happening on Suceava street and it created quite a stir. Half of our attendees played in metal bands with names like “Spasm” and “Black Death” but for some reason, God had given us an open door into their lives. Many kids got saved there but needless to say our presence (among other things) seriously tested the landlord-tenant relationship! Now God had clearly orchestrated our reunion and an overdue conversation…17 years later.

If there is one thing I have learned about the Lord, He places a far higher priority on relationships than we do. The Father gave His only son for us, that we may have an eternal relationship with Him. Therefore He expects His children to be tender hearted toward one another and to love each other. He greatly desires us to be unified and to be “one” in Him. Jesus prayed for this in John 17, ”And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me”.

“Do you remember me?”

As I looked at Nicu, I told him that it was apparent that God Himself had personally scheduled this meeting for us in Cluj. So, we grabbed a couple of chairs and sat down. It’s interesting, but issues between brothers seem less significant in hindsight than the strong feelings attached to them. As I spoke with Nicu (who has been wonderfully used of the Lord these last years), our feelings toward each other changed. As we sat just a few feet from the stage where an empty tomb had been erected, the significance was not lost on us as we bowed our heads in prayer together. We asked God for fresh mercies and we received them in that upper room. When we were finished we hugged each other, exchanged emails and then I walked out of the church pondering how I had been beautifully “setup” by God. God had called me 6,000 miles away from home, to see a relationship raised from the dead. So, let me say…Blessings upon your family Nicu, it is good to be your friend. Christ is risen, He is risen indeed.

In this post I will answer the most common questions I am asked about men’s ministry.

1. Why is men’s ministry so important?

Ready yourself for some sobering statistics. The typical U.S. congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male (Barna). On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches (2000 Census, David Murrow). This Sunday almost 25% of married women will worship without their husbands (Barna). Over 70% of the boys who are being raised in a church will leave it during their teens and twenties (Lifeway Research). And … fewer than 10% of U.S. churches are able to establish or maintain a vibrant men’s ministry (David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church). The men that are called to be serving and leading are leaving … we need to reach the men.

2. How do we convince our men that men’s ministry is important?

You don’t. The key to convincing men that they should plug into men’s ministry is to have an excellent men’s ministry. Pray that God develops an atmosphere in your ministry that men will not want to miss, and it will progressively grow and flourish over time.

3. When is the best time for men to meet?

Schedules throughout the week make it difficult for men to get together, so you have to find the right time. My experience is that weekends (including Friday nights) take men away from their family time, so I have found that midweek is best. Early mornings, before work, can be excellent times for men to connect. Let me say that if your church already has 6 to 7 men meeting for prayer and coffee one morning a week, then you have the foundation for a great men’s ministry! I prefer to meet on Tuesday nights with the men and to keep commitment levels high, we meet twice a month. Twice a month is enough to keep the men relationally connected.

4. Our men’s ministry is very stagnant; what do we do?

Let me share a basic element regarding men’s ministry … every man in the room should have the opportunity to teach and share from the Word of God. Every two weeks (or weekly) have the men read a book of the Bible and tell them to be prepared to share any insights that the Lord showed them in the text. It is that simple. When you combine conversational Bible study with food, prayer, worship, and even small groups … men grow in a myriad of ways. Let me share with you some of the fruit of interactive Men’s Bible study.

-You encourage the men to take their biblical knowledge and spiritual lives public. Interaction causes them to go “on the record.”

-The gifts of the Spirit are in operation through the men on a weekly basis. Words of wisdom, prophecy, faith, exhortation, and teaching are exercised as men share the Word of God. Often men don’t even know how they are impacting others through insights that they bring forward. It is an opportunity for the Holy Spirit to move supernaturally in a very natural way.

-When a man shares what God has shown him in a particular text and how he is humbly responding to God’s direction, it has a powerful sharpening and maturing effect on everyone in the room.

-It encourages men to read their Bibles every day and to abide in a relationship with Christ.

-The men learn to teach the Bible. You should only encourage “soundbite” sharing for a couple of minutes per man but the limited insights that come out of their personal study will be a blessing to all who hear.

-It gives me as a pastor an opportunity to get to know the men better and to see where they are in their walks with Christ. I get to put my finger on the pulse of my brothers spiritual lives by interacting with them.

-This type of interaction works well with groups up to 60 or more … If your men’s ministry is larger than 60 men, feel free to share in the comments section how your men’s ministry is functioning. I would love to hear about your men’s ministry!

5. How do we get the men to be accountable to other men?

Men are dealing with serious issues of temptation on a daily basis which threaten to derail not only them but their families as well. Therefore men desperately need a refuge where they can come, get equipped, pray for each other, and fight the good fight of faith together. So, having said all of that, let me remind you that accountability is the byproduct of healthy relationships. If we set the framework for men to grow strong in their relationships with Jesus and each other, we will have taken the biggest step toward accountability. Accountability through community. A second step toward accountability can be the addition of small groups for sharing one another’s burdens in powerful prayer. Small groups should be intimate, “leak proof,” and centered on gracious exhortation and authenticity. Remember, effective men’s ministry is not sin centered, it is Jesus centered.

Years ago I ran into a man at a retreat that I hadn’t seen for quite a while…As we sat down across from each other I asked him what he was doing nowadays and what ministries he was engaged in (he had been actively serving in his church when I saw him last). His answer went something like this…”I have been going to the men’s ministry and the pastor even asked me if I would be a men’s small group leader, but I said no”.

So, I asked him “Are you pretty busy at work right now?” His reply? “No, I haven’t been working lately actually, I lost my job…I just said no to leading a small group because I thought that none of the men could relate to me since I am single and currently jobless.” So, as you can imagine I walked over to his side of the couch, gave him a big hug and said “what a lousy situation…I am so sorry for you, I totally understand”.

No, I didn’t do that. Instead, I told him to seriously rethink his decision. I understand what this brother was going through. Every person reading this can empathize, to some degree, with a man who is out of work. It is very hard on a man to be unemployed. For many men, being without a job is just a small step toward falling into depression. Men need to work. Christian men also have a need to serve their Master. That is why I was so up-front with my brother; I knew the value that he could bring to that small group. God was providing a way out of his funk (by being a blessing to others) but he wanted no part of it. At the end of the day, he lost a wonderful opportunity to serve other men.

That brings me to the point of this post. I am hearing variations on this theme over and over lately. Men who defer. Men who refuse to take responsibility in the church. Men who excuse themselves. Excuses come easy to us men because men are weak…and weak men use weak excuses. I speak from experience, I use them myself. As all men of God have learned though, making an excuse doesn’t mean that we are excused. I am not excused. God will not allow that.

Can I be so bold? Men of God need to step up and quit making sinful excuses that ultimately keep us from doing God’s will. The church is suffering because of it. The world is suffering because of it. Operative definition of an excuse? Telling God He doesn’t know what He is doing when He calls on us to do His will.

Yet God can relate to us and our excuses…Have you ever noticed how many great men throughout the Bible were visited by God and they excused themselves from His call? What is played out multiple times in Scripture is a scenario where God comes to a man (often an obscure individual) and tells him that He has a mission to fulfill. The man will then think through God’s call to action, size himself up for the task and then the man will give God his best “reason” as to why he cannot do it. The Bible contains a long list of excuse makers. On that list are names like Adam, Jeremiah, Moses, Gideon, Samson, Jonah, Elijah and Peter. People greatly used of God…but only after God (through various means) showed them that He meant business.

Why does the Bible depict such deeply flawed heroes in all their depravity? Well, of course the answer to that is God only uses weak men and it seems the weaker the better. Paul sums it up like this “For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty…that no flesh should glory in His presence” 1 Corinthians 1: 26-29. The only way that God can be glorified is by using imperfect and foolish men. Is that you? It is definitely me. We are in good company. So, rethink those excuses you have been throwing at God.

You may be asking, if a man is self aware and he has a serious understanding of his limitations isn’t that called humility? The answer to that is yes; a humble man is acutely aware of his weaknesses but he still trusts God and His resources. The humble man knows all of His failures but still says “YES” to the call of God. If God is calling you and opening a door for you, be assured that He will enable you as you trust in Him.

God is a master at dealing with our excuses. He has heard them all. The Lord wants us to know the difference between humbly understanding our limitations and making excuses for them. He wants us to know that even though we lack the skill, He has supernatural ability. He wants us to know that even though we are weak, He is omnipotent. The Lord is actually looking for men to acknowledge their weakness and still move forward into the call that He has on their lives. So, when a friend gives you an excuse as to why He cannot minister to other needy men don’t pat him on the back and help him wallow in his pity. No, encourage him to trust in the almighty power of God.

And He (the Lord) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong”. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10