2020 was a year filled with difficulty, frustration, tension, and sorrow, to the point where people could not wait for it to be over. As we welcome in the new year, however, we realize that changing our calendars did not make the problems disappear, in fact, in some ways, 2021 so far has been worse.

The Apostle Paul, in the wake of a difficult period in his life, wrote something in his letter to the Philippians, which can help us with our outlook on times like these:

“I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel” (Philippians 1:12).

This statement is particularly surprising when you consider what things Paul is referring to here that had happened to him:

What Had Happened to Paul?

When Paul wrote this letter to the Philippians, he was being held as a prisoner in Rome.

Prior to his arrest, Paul had spent years traveling around the Roman Empire as missionary: preaching the gospel and starting churches, and training others to do the same. But then, some people who wanted to hinder Paul’s work and hinder the spread of the gospel, started spreading fake news that Paul was an anti-government revolutionary. As a result, Paul was arrested.

While under arrest, Paul was no longer able to travel the world to advance the gospel. Because of corruption in the judicial system, Paul was left in prison for several years, until he appealed his case to the Roman supreme court, which is how he came to be in Rome at the time when he wrote to the Philippians. Paul was under house arrest, awaiting trial, and chained to Roman soldiers 24 hours a day.

With those details in mind, consider again what Paul wrote to the Philippians:

“I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel” (Philippians 1:12)

The things which had happened to Paul were:

• The loss of his freedom

• False accusations

• Suffering at the hands of corrupt officials.

It would be easy to look at those circumstances and conclude that these things which had happened to Paul were preventing him from advancing the gospel, but Paul says, “No. Everything that has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel.”

Being under house arrest had obvious limitations, but it also afforded Paul some unique opportunities.

One of those opportunities was: down time, and Paul used that time to pen four letters under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit which are now part of our New Testament canon, and for the past two millennia have been used by God to bring encouragement and instruction to those who read them.

Another unique opportunity this situation gave him, was that Paul was chained to members of Caesar Nero’s Imperial Guard for 24 hours a day, the soldiers being changed out on shifts. Rather than seeing himself as restrained, however, Paul viewed this as an evangelist’s dream! It was not that he was chained to soldiers, Paul thought, but those soldiers were chained to him! For hours at a time, he had a soldier’s undivided attention, and when their time was up, a new soldier would be brought in and chained to him. Paul viewed himself as a missionary to those people in that place. I imagine Paul’s biggest struggle must have been finding time to sleep because he was so excited to make new friends and tell them about Jesus.

Some of these guards, Paul tells us, became Christians. If Paul had not been in custody, but had rather knocked on the door of Caesar’s Palace and said, “Hi, I’m Paul, I’d like to talk to you about your sins and convert you to Christianity,” they would have slammed the door in his face, but because of what happened to him: the injustice, the slander, and the corruption, Paul now had unique opportunity for the furtherance of the gospel which he could not have had otherwise.

Paul was able to see the opportunities in the midst of the calamity, and he wanted his readers to develop that mindset as well.

Paul’s Mindset In Our Situation

The events of the past year have been difficult and uncomfortable for all of us, from the pandemic, to the racial and political tensions, the economic hardships, the isolation, and the online fatigue – and it’s not over yet. It is worth asking ourselves: How would the Apostle Paul have looked at this situation? And how would he, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, have encouraged us to view these circumstances? Would he not have encouraged us to view this situation through the eyes of faith, knowing that all of these difficulties have presented us with unique opportunities for the furtherance of the gospel, and that “what has happened has really served the furtherance of the gospel”?

God has placed us who are believers here for such a time as this. May we be faithful to steward this great gospel message in a world that needs it, and may we see the opportunities in the midst of the calamity for the furtherance of the gospel.

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice” (Philippians 4:4).

What kind of wild man tells a group of people to rejoice at all times? To always, in the Lord, celebrate? The Apostle Paul was that kind of man.

But why did he instruct them this way? Was it because he’d lived the high life? Not at all. He wrote from a prison cell (Philippians 1:7). Was it because his readers were living the high life? Not at all. They were also called to suffer for Christ’s sake (Philippians 1:29). Was it because he was creating a new doctrine that God would keep them from any pain? Not at all. He wanted to share in Christ’s sufferings and become like Jesus in death (Philippians 3:10-11). Was it because he was out of touch with reality, an effervescent optimist? Not at all. He saw the depravity of humanity more clearly than anyone and knew the wrath of God is revealed against all ungodliness and unrighteousness (Romans 1:18; Romans 1-3; Romans 3:10).

But Paul wanted them to rejoice. Their founder was in prison, but they should rejoice. The mission of Christ is constantly in conflict, but they should rejoice. Life with Christ is one which includes partaking of His cross, but they should rejoice. The world is broken, outside the gospel, and under God’s wrath, but they should rejoice.

How is this possible? How can believers, living in a broken and corrupted world, surrounded by heartache and pain, rejoice? How can people Christ calls to a life of mourning (Matthew 5:4) also have joy?

What follows are a few suggestions to help modern believers, amid chaos and agony, to rejoice.

1. Rejoice When You Are Counted Worthy to Suffer Dishonor for the Name

In the early days of the church, when the fires of persecution began to burn, the apostles found themselves rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name of Christ (Acts 5:40-41). They weren’t sadists, and they didn’t enjoy the physical pain, but being ridiculed for Christ stirred up a new and fascinating version of joy.

Western believers are living in tumultuous cultures of upheaval. In parts of the world where being a believer used to be tolerated, accepted, and often vogue, it is now considered deplorable. You are considered a hate-filled, fundamentalist bigot. And, to be clear, we shouldn’t do or say stupid things to reinforce the idea. We shouldn’t be beaten for our faults (1 Peter 2:20). But when we suffer dishonor for our allegiance to Jesus, we have a reason to rejoice.

2. Rejoice When You Feel Alone in the Ministry

Elijah thought he was the only one. He thought he was the singular mouthpiece for God, a solitary man with an unreplicated heart for the Lord. He was wrong, of course, for God told him there were seven thousand who had not bowed to Baal (1 Kings 19:18). And it was in his moment of aloneness that God provided a powerful ministry partner and successor in Elisha.

Still, Elijah felt alone, and there are bound to be seasons in any ministry where the leaders feel isolated. The fatigue they feel, up against the needs of the day, is too much. The demands and desires of people are often at odds with the commands of Christ and His Word. The flesh wages ware against the Spirit. Worldliness creeps into the church, including the heart of the minister. The spirit of the age rages against the unseen kingdom of God. In any Christ-centered work, fatigue and aloneness are bound to come.

But Elijah was not alone, and neither are we. We must rejoice over all who have not bowed their knee to a liberalized theology, who have not succumbed to the pressure to conform to the world’s ideologies, and who have stood firm for Christ. There are many across the globe, who have kept their integrity and are serving Jesus with their all. For them, we rejoice.

3. Rejoice in the Work Christ Is Doing Today

In the book of Ezra, the older folks mourned when they saw the foundations of the new temple. They’d been around long enough to remember the glory and beauty of Solomon’s temple, and this new work paled in comparison. But the younger Israelites, men and women who’d never seen the old structure, rejoiced at what God was doing at that moment. Their cry of celebration was heard far and wide (Ezra 3:12-13).

In our current age, it is an easy thing to replicate the sorrow of that older generation who’d seen the former glory. Many of us have witnessed strong moves of the Spirit. And if we haven’t, we can read of various moments in church history when God worked powerfully in the hearts of millions. If we’re not careful, even some of the stories in Acts can discourage us regarding what we are living in today.

But the astute believer can see things God is doing. Through the chaos and upheaval in our world, God is at work. In parts of the world where Christianity is suppressed or illegal, the true gospel is still spreading. Though the Western world is under the spell of truthlessness, attacking the truth with its educational, entertainment, and political systems, young people are still breaking through and partaking of Christ. Look around. Find the praiseworthy reports, young men and women who have turned against the tide of their culture and are following Jesus. They exist. Rejoice.

4. Rejoice When Someone’s Life Is Touched by Christ

When even one life is saved, there is joy in heaven (Luke 15:7, 10). Should it not be the same on earth? In the early days of the church, when the disabled man was healed at the gate to the temple, he stood, walked, leaped, and praised God. Should we not do the same when God rescues someone from the error of their ways?

Remember, the book of Acts details the massive movements of God’s Spirit but also tells the story of individuals. The beggar at the temple, the selection of Stephen and Philip, the Ethiopian eunuch — all of them had a story to tell. Saul’s conversion, Cornelius’ vision, Timothy’s commitment to Paul’s missionary work – all of it was worthy of mention by Dr. Luke.

One of the quickest remedies to ministry depression is to focus on individuals who comprise the whole rather than on just the whole, which is comprised of individuals.

Sometimes the cure for ministry depression is found by quickly scanning our minds for the stories of God’s grace we’ve been fortunate enough to witness. By thinking of real names and events, we can avoid the vague nebulousness of so much ministry frustration. The Good Shepherd rejoices over one found sheep, and so will we if we choose to fixate on them.

5. Rejoice When You Are Transformed to Become More Like Christ

Paul said we become more like the One we worship. “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit” (2 Corinthians 3:18). But our sanctification feels so slow. Sins beset us, usually the same old ones which have plagued us forever, and when they reappear in our lives, it can be overwhelmingly discouraging.

But there are times of victory. You, if you’ve walked with Christ and submitted to Him, aren’t who you once were. Transformation has occurred. And when moments of victory peek out, it is good to celebrate them.

I recall an email an associate pastor of mine sent to me. He has watched me in operation in hundreds of situations. One day, he witnessed someone come at me in a particularly hostile way. Rather than become agitated, I remained calm, clearly articulating myself and clarifying what we would (and wouldn’t) do. The email my fellow pastor sent me was about that confrontation. He applauded me, for he’d seen the growth. I would not have previously responded with such aplomb, but, at least that day, Christ-likeness prevailed. As I read his note, I rejoiced at the degree of Jesus-likeness the Spirit had wrought in my heart.

6. Rejoice When a Ministry Endeavor Is Completed

Remember when Nehemiah oversaw the completion of the wall in Jerusalem? The actual process of building took a little over 50 days. The planning and prayer took longer, but it was still a quick process. And when the wall was finished, there was still a ton of work left. But when they completed the wall, Nehemiah led a celebration. “I brought the leaders of Judah up onto the wall and appointed two great choirs that gave thanks” (Nehemiah 12:31).

You see, in ministry and life, there is always more to accomplish, always more work to do. For this reason, I rarely stop and celebrate the completion of anything. Perhaps you can relate. But it is good to stop and rejoice when something we set out to do, especially for Christ, is accomplished. For me, when I complete the exposition of a Bible book, write a book, or complete another year of ministry at our church, I must stop and rejoice. These are little victories in the big picture of God’s kingdom, but if I don’t celebrate them, then fatigue and bitterness are bound to win the day.

7. Rejoice When the Spirit Sends You on a New Ministry Adventure

It is exciting to be in the ministry. Paul, a man who was beaten, robbed and imprisoned often for his ministry work, thanked God for calling him into it: “I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service” (1Timothy 1:12, ESV). Though painful in many ways, the joy of serving Christ far outweighs the hardship. They are momentary light afflictions in light of the eternal weight of glory (2 Corinthians 4:17).

And, often, as we serve Christ, He comes knocking, leading us into a new season of work in His name. It might be a new mission field He calls us into, one where we must pack up and move, but it could also be as simple as a new ministry in your local setting. It is exciting to head out into new ventures with the Lord, and we should rejoice at the calling He’s put on our lives.

8. Rejoice in the Cross of Christ

Paul said, “I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes” (Romans 1:16). And if all other sources of joy dry up, the cross of Christ is a raging river of joy. In any and every circumstance, we can celebrate what Jesus has done for us. It is a deep well with eternal implications, and we must rejoice over it for the duration of our lives.

Our “rejoicing” list could be infinite in length, but the above are a few of the items on my list, which have helped me in ministry over the years. If you struggle to have a celebratory heart before God, consider some of them, or make your own list, but take some time each day to say them to God. As you thank Him, rejoicing over His grace toward you, I think you’ll find your burden lighten a little. And, like Paul in the Philippian dungeon, you’ll find yourself singing of God and His grace.

I had to make a phone call last week that I didn’t want to make. A call that many have had to make over the last several weeks. A call that many have received. The call went a little like this, “I am so sorry to say this, but because the economy is shut down, we’re going to have to furlough you until further notice. We are so thankful for your service and absolutely love having you on the team.” I hang up the call. I take another deep breath. Then I move on to the next one.

See, in addition to pastoral ministry, I manage a local bookstore, and as we all know, these are difficult days for small businesses. I am fortunate that everybody I work with is a believer, and that I was able to pray with them at the end of the call. But what do you say when you’re the one sharing the bad news with somebody else? What kind of encouragement can you give after this? Or where do you receive strength when you are the one on the receiving end of the phone call, and suddenly, tomorrow is more uncertain than ever before?

There are no easy answers. I’ve had had moments of anxiety over the past six weeks. With every new report on “mortality rates, stay at home orders and economic collapse,” I’ve felt my heart pounding just a little harder. I know my anxiety comes less from the fact that tomorrow is unknown, but more because I realize I have absolutely no control over any of it. I’ve had several nights over the last few weeks, where I lay awake and could not fall back asleep. One night, in particular, I laid there for hours, thinking about where we are at this point in the world, hoping to wake up the next morning and hear that this nightmare is over, and praying for God to graciously speak to me and give me a fresh word from His heart. It’s in these moments where all we can do is wait patiently for the Lord to speak and to move. It’s quiet, it’s dark, it’s difficult, and we continue to wait.

The next morning, as I opened my Bible, I happened to be in Psalm 16. As I began to read, the words suddenly became my prayer. The same kinds of words I searched for the night before. “Protect me, Lord, for I take refuge in you. I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; I have nothing good besides you” (Psalm 16:1-2). I stopped and considered how true this is. Anything good I have, anything I have at all, comes from Him.

I continue to read, “Lord, you are my portion and my cup of blessing; you hold my future” (Psalm 16:5). Wow! So the Lord has all of this in His control. As faithful as He’s been yesterday, He’s going to be faithful tomorrow, and He will be my portion. My future is safe because it is in His hands. It’s true; I don’t know what tomorrow holds. But I know the One who holds tomorrow.

Verse 7 continues, “I will bless the Lord who counsels me, even at night when my thoughts trouble me, I always let the Lord guide me because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” It was here where I immediately knew God was speaking to me and answering my prayer from the night before. Even at night, when my thoughts trouble me and I tremble before the unknown, I have my Helper at my right hand. He will guide me, and even if everything around me gives way, I will not be shaken.

We are not in control and never have been. This idea can bring us great anxiety, or it can bring us great freedom. “Anxiety” is asking what we will do about the things that are out of control. But prayer is asking God what He will do with the things that are within His control. So I can worry for the illusion of control that was never there, to begin with, or I can surrender the reigns of my life to His loving control as He walks me through this pandemic.

I thought of the people I had called on the phone that day. It’s true; there are no easy answers. For all of us, however, this is what it means to walk by faith, not by sight. To trust and take the next step even when we cannot see where it leads. To be assured in our hearts that He is our guide into the unknown. To rest in knowing that because He has me, He will provide when I am lacking, and I will not be shaken.

In the words of dear Corrie Ten Boom, “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” And so we trust Him today, and we will trust Him again tomorrow. This is the walk of faith.

As a free-spirited extrovert, I fill my cup by being around people. The thought of being locked in my house by governmental mandate goes against every natural grain in my body and soul. That being said, I do believe that God has a plan and a purpose for every season of life and that it is wise to pay extra attention to the difficult ones.

When my husband and I saw confinement speeding around the corner, we tried to prepare both the church and our family as much as possible. We knew that some things such as baptisms, weddings and personal visits to suffering people, had to happen either before or after the confinement. It was a flurry of movement as we found ourselves doing things, like renting a hotel room near the church to conduct a baptism for a refugee couple because the room we rent for the church isn’t properly equipped. Our service was beautiful. It looked and felt as I imagine a first-century church service.

A few days later, we celebrated a wedding for a couple in the church. During the meal, we received the news. The French government announced that we were in confinement for the unforeseeable future. As the media announced progressively overnight the new organization of public life, we didn’t find out until we went to church the next day: that holding a church service would be illegal.

Yes. Just like that, we could no longer hold services. Fortunately, friends in Tahiti had been asking us to film our services for them, so we already had some of the necessary material ready. Against everything within me, I had to call people on our way to church and tell them not to come. It broke my heart. One lady responded, “The devil is NOT going to keep me from going to church.” I answered, “I am not the devil, but we have to respect the laws of the country and hold service online.” So we went to the church building and held our first online service for CC Paris.

Then we went home—the reality hit.

We could no longer go out of the house. That means, whenever there is a bad mood, conflict, fatigue, or fill in the blank, there is no escape. This can be daunting, especially knowing there is no exact end-date. If we need to leave, we have to fill out an authorization paper, or there is a fine ( $145 for the first offense; $1,613 for the second, if you break confinement). This causes a lot of stress on everyone! In the first week, the government fined over 90,000 people breaking confinement!

I’ve been reflecting on confinement and about God’s hand in this. I know God has kindness in store for us during this confinement. Not evil but good. I was reminded that God is the God of order, not confusion. Not of fear, but peace. He has a specific plan for each one of us during this season to come. Many of us will be in good health or will be mildly sick during this confinement. It will be a good time to deal with issues that we have become accustomed to saying, “I am too busy to deal with that now.” Now we aren’t too busy. We can take this time and work things out. Talk to the people around you. Internet lines will be saturated because everyone in the community is at home trying to work. But it will end up being a good thing because we will have to work differently. We will have to work on our communication, and it will be raw at times. We will just have each other and the Lord.

When you can’t turn to the things in your life that you normally do – you can deal with the why’s.

• Why do I turn to retail therapy rather than just talk things out with my teens or my husband?

• Why would I spend so much time with my friends and so little with my family?

• Why am I so given to…?

A little introspection is a good thing. It helps us to grow and develop when we bring these things to God. He can help us through it. He can use this moment, this quiet moment—or for those of us with children in the house—this very noisy moment, to speak to us. He can reach into the depths of our souls and heal those areas that need healing. We might be thankful for the confinement in the end.

A friend from China wrote to me a few days ago and shared about how mentally taxing it becomes after a while. She made it through, and by God’s grace, we can too. Please take care of yourselves and your loved ones as we all lean more into Jesus. We have God on our side. He walks with us and shelters us in the shadow of His wing. What is the worst that can happen to us? As it says in Psalm 91:1-2:

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most-High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.'”

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear” (Psalm 46:1–2a).

As most of us would agree, we are living in troubling times. With the arrival of the Coronavirus and its potential for widespread societal chaos and high death toll among certain members of the population, the times have suddenly become exponentially more troubling. It is also clear that fear has overtaken the lives of many people, and they are deeply concerned by the current crisis.

“Coast to coast, large public gatherings and major events have been canceled. Employees have been told to work from home, universities have moved all classes online and elementary schools have closed for sanitizing. The stock market has seen meteoric crashes. Declarations of emergency are being proclaimed, and New York has deployed the National Guard to the hard-hit city of New Rochelle, north of New York City.

“As the number of confirmed cases of illness grows, so too does the nation’s collective uncertainty. Psychologists and public health experts say public anxiety is high, and it’s largely fueled by a feeling of powerlessness” (USA Today, March 12, 2020).

To be afraid and troubled by such things is a perfectly normal first response, even for a Christian. But it’s not the place we are to remain. In speaking to His troubled and frightened followers, Jesus said, “Do not let your hearts be troubled” (John 14:1, NIV). A troubled heart is quite often due to fear, and the apostle John told us, “fear involves torment.” But he also said, “perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18).

HOW SHOULD WE AS CHRISTIANS BE RESPONDING TO THIS CURRENT SITUATION?

Not in Fear

So how should we respond? Numerous times, the Bible declares “fear not.” We are not to respond in fear.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).

“But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore …” (Luke 12:7).

“Do not be afraid; I am the First and the Last. I am He who lives, and was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore. Amen. And I have the keys of Hades and of Death” (Revelation 1:17–18).

Martin Luther spoke these words to the Christians during the time of the Black Death:

“When anyone is overcome by horror and repugnance in the presence of a sick person he should take courage and strength in the firm assurance that it is the devil who stirs up such abhorrence, fear, and loathing in his heart. He is such a bitter, knavish devil that he not only unceasingly tries to slay and kill, but also takes delight in making us deathly afraid, worried, and apprehensive so that we should regard dying as horrible and have no rest or peace all through our life. And so the devil would excrete us out of this life as he tries to make us despair of God, become unwilling and unprepared to die, and, under the stormy and dark sky of fear and anxiety, make us forget and lose Christ, our light and life, and desert our neighbor in his troubles. We would sin thereby against God and man; that would be the devil’s glory and delight. Because we know that it is the devil’s game to induce such fear and dread, we should in turn minimize it, take such courage as to spite and annoy him, and send those terrors right back to him …”

In Faith

Secondly, we are to respond in faith. Our trust must always and ultimately be in the Lord. However, our faith should not be foolish or presumptuous.

Again, from Martin Luther:

“Others sin on the right hand. They are much too rash and reckless, tempting God and disregarding everything which might counteract death and the plague. They disdain the use of medicines; they do not avoid places and persons infected by the plague, but lightheartedly make sport of it and wish to prove how independent they are.”

So how should we behave?

“Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness … Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass” (Psalm 37:3, 5).

“You will keep them in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because they trust in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for in the LORD is everlasting strength” (Isaiah 26:3–4).

“Thus says the LORD, the King of Israel, and his Redeemer, the LORD of hosts: ‘I am the first and I am the last; besides Me there is no God’” (Isaiah 44:6).

Who is speaking? He who is the first and the last. He who knows the beginning and the end.

In Rest

Lastly, we are to respond in rest.

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10).

What is currently happening in our society? People are panicking and hoarding. In contrast, those who follow Christ should be looking out for others, not for ourselves only. We have been forced to be still. And in our stillness, we should meditate on the goodness of God.

Getting a realistic view of the situation is always helpful. But the “bad news/good news dichotomy can make people feel as though they are getting mixed messages. Reports say most people who contract the coronavirus experience symptoms similar to the flu. Then people hear stories about the National Guard helping with quarantine containment” (USA Today).

So, if the risk to most people is mild to moderate symptoms, why does it feel as if the world is shutting down?

Public health officials are “trying to tamp down the infectivity curve.”

“Think of it like the top of a wave. They’re trying to keep it from going up too sharply. If it goes up too fast and too high, the people who need health care will be crowding hospitals all at once, making it impossible for everybody who needs it to get care. … Health experts say the media has an important role to play. It must dispense accurate information without being sensational, and it must avoid exploiting people’s fears … saying ‘deadly virus’ can be misleading, because the virus is not deadly for most people.” (USA Today)

As of today, there have been 400,000+ cases worldwide, 18,000+ deaths, and over 100,000 recoveries. There are 287,816 active cases, 95% of those being mild. However, that means over 12,988 are serious or critical. The Coronavirus has brought to mind some of the deadly plagues of the past like the Black Plague (1300–1600), which killed as many as 200 million people. The Spanish flu (1918–20) took the lives of 20 to 50 million people (Worldometer).

Historically, things like this remind us of our mortality. And the rampant fear and anxiety we are seeing in our nation and in the world testifies to the fact that people are thinking about eternity. An Epicurean philosopher once said, “It is possible to provide security against other ills, but as far as death is concerned, we men live in a city without walls.” This is true. But there is a way to escape death. There is one person who conquered death, and His name is Jesus Christ. He lives today to deliver you from not only the fear of death, but from death itself.

Receive Him and receive life forevermore.

Editor’s Note

If you have never received the peace of God through Jesus Christ, you can do it right now by praying this simple prayer:

“Dear God, I believe that Jesus died for me and rose again to save me from all of my sins and from fear and from death. Come into my heart, be my Savior, and give me peace. Thank You for making me Your child, and help me to follow You all of my life until You receive me in glory. Amen.”

If you prayed that prayer, the Bible says that you are God’s child now and that God has begun a work in you that He promises to finish; putting to rest all of the old sinful ways and giving you a new heart, filled with new love and new peace. There is no darkness in the world that can rip you away from His love. Your next step is to get connected to a healthy group of Christians who want to help you grow in your new relationship with God. This is a little more difficult right now due to the coronavirus restrictions in place, but you can always call or email a Bible-teaching church near you and let them know about the prayer you just prayed. Go here to find a church near you that can support this new work that God began in you today.

_{This article was taken from Pastor Brian Brodersen’s message, “Hope in Troubling Times,” on March 15, 2020. To listen to it in full, go to cccm.com. There, will you find this and other helpful resources.}

The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes that life is made up of seasons:

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build ; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).

What season do you find yourself in now?

What season are you looking forward to? I wanted to write this article to encourage you to be present in the season that you are in and allow God to use you today. Today is all we have and all we are guaranteed. Often, though, we spend our time waiting for the next thing; we put our lives on pause until: we finish college, find a spouse, have a child, climb the career ladder, gain more financial security or whatever it is you are waiting for.

A French philosopher called Blaise Pascal, who lived in the 1600s, wrote the following quote:

“Let each of us examine his thoughts; he will find them wholly concerned with the past or the future. We almost never think of the present, and if we do think of it, it is only to see what light it throws on our plans for the future. The present is never our end. The past and the present are our means, the future alone our end. Thus we never actually live, but hope to live, and since we are always planning how to be happy, it is inevitable that we should never be so.” – Blaise Pascal.

This quote is like a slap in the face to me. I shudder to think that I might be always waiting to live my life and never actually living it. Pascal goes on to suggest that the reason we only focus on the past or the future is to escape our present, as our present is too unsatisfying to think about. I understand this sentiment. I am just emerging from a season of having three tiny babies all at once.

I had my first son in 2014, and becoming a mum was the biggest emotional explosion of my life. I loved my son so much, but I was exhausted and overwhelmed; and I found the newborn season hard. Then, when he was only nine months old, I found out I was pregnant again, this time with twins. Having three tiny babies was more than I thought I could cope with. Sleep was a thing of the past; silence was a thing of the past. The present was bone painful exhaustion, the almost constant sound of a baby crying, and the absolute knowledge that I was inadequate for the task, simply because I didn’t have enough arms to comfort all three of my babies in a way that was good enough for them at the same time. Honestly, I shudder to remember the exhaustion of those days.

But it was a season. My oldest son, Levi, is four now, and my twins, Emmanuel and Gracie, are almost three; and life is so much easier. My house is filled more often with laughter than crying (although there is still some crying). And yes, there is no doubt this season feels better than the one where they were all tiny babies, but the point is, I could not have gotten here if I had not lived through that newborn season. God wants to work in us and use us in every season of our lives.

So, take your life off pause!

Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it (Psalm 118:24). Offer up the season you’re living in to the Lord and see Him move in you and through you this very day.

I think we each have in our minds an “end-game.” That thing that when we get it, we will finally be happy. Then we can finally post it on social media and move on with our lives. What is your end game? A degree? A baby? A spouse? A missionary posting? A desired job? All of these things are good, but they are not your “end-game;” however, you will only discover that when you finally get it.

The reason for this is that purpose and happiness are not found in a change of situation, no, they are found in Jesus Christ.

Married or single, in a loud, busy life or a quiet and solitary one, the only one who is always present and always faithful and who never lets us down is Jesus.

Remember, Jesus said He came to give us life abundant (John 10:10).

That “life abundant” for you is found in Jesus today. Not in some future nebulous dream, but today, now, as your breath goes in and out, as you read these words, Jesus is present in the present. Speak to Him, commit this day and this season to Him and see what great things He does during a season of your life that you were tempted to just write off. God is with you, and He is moving. Be used by God today; this is the one thing we all have in common, no matter what season we find ourselves in, no matter what age you are or what situation you find yourself in; God is willing to use you and desires to use you.

Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God today; He cares for you and has a plan for you in this season. Open your heart to see God working in your life today and become excited about what God is doing in your present season. The past is gone; the future is not guaranteed. All we have is the present, so let’s offer each day to the Lord and live each moment of our life in the fullness that Jesus won for us.

“‘Pebbles in a brook polish one another'”—thank God for the pebbles of His Lisu Church.” So wrote Isobel Kuhn, who with her husband John spent more than 20 years in China and Thailand as China Inland Mission missionaries, specifically among the Lisu people. The bright countenance of an aged and faithful believer and the humble prayers of young Christians helped her to persevere when faced with her own self-doubt and “ordinariness.”*

In her book Nests Above the Abyss, Isobel ends with several biographies of Lisu Christians—the many “pebbles” that made up the Church in Yunnan province. She wrote:

“Old Big, a rough country farmer, accepted the Lord the first time he heard of Him, when the gospel was given in Pine Mountain Village. His hut was on the lowest level of the village, but his mansion is in glory. Until he died, I never heard of his dishonouring the Lord in any way. I always looked forward to his beaming smile and a loving handshake on Sunday morning. About 65 years old, his kindly face was a token of ‘the adding up of days in which good work is done.’ Some others of the Lisu saints may have given us heartache or worry from time to time but never Old Big. Beside him was his sweet, happy-faced wife. Charles named them Zacharias and Elizabeth, for in these latter years they truly walked blameless.

On Sundays he used to sit up near the front, the light on his face was never dim. Too old to learn to read, he always sat up close to the front and with a radiant countenance did his best to memorise hymns, texts and sermon outline, so that I had long regarded him as my special Sunday joy. During the week he held services in his own home for his neighbours and preached and sang from memory, and how his face glowed with beatific joy when he sang.”

Like all saints, Old Big did not escape the sharp wind of trials.

Sometimes inclement weather would destroy much of their crop, the year’s food supply. Isobel wrote, “I remember how his face was set—‘The most important thing,’ He said, ‘is eternal life’.” He was determined to walk in a godly manner in all things, and wind or no wind, he did.

Isobel & John developed the Rainy Season Bible School for the edification of the Lisu people. These classes were taught by the Kuhns and others. “From these classes, countless Lisu took the Christian message to untold numbers of nationals and travellers throughout China.”

One of Isobel’s joys, when it was not her turn to teach a Bible School class, was to sit in the back of the room and listen. She jotted down a few sentences from their prayers to share with her supporters a glimpse into the hearts of the Lisu Christians:

“Thy name is written on my heart and my name is written on Thy hands, so we cannot be separated.”

“Lord, I’m not worthy to be Thy slave and Thou has made me Thy friend. I am worthy of death, and Thou has given me eternal life.”

“Lord give strength to our teachers; help them so that when they teach, we may see the face of Jesus.”

The teachers encouraged their students to “keep tryst” with Jesus for a time of prayer and listening. Isobel wrote:

“I had been feeling slightly discouraged, wondering if we teachers were not too ordinary in our spiritual gifts and wondering if the students’ hearts were being penetrated with the Word in the way we hoped them to be. At sunset time I slipped out for my usual tryst (in the mountains). I turned to the upward path, and suddenly turning a corner I came upon Junia and Lucius who were descending, apparently from the same errand on which I was bound. They passed me in smiling but self-conscious silence, and I was reminded that those two were scheduled to take between them the weekend services at Village-of Knoll the coming Saturday. We had urged our boys to ‘keep tryst’ and to pray about such things, but who did, and where they did, I had no notion. I had stumbled upon their effort to fortify themselves in prayer!”

Encouraged by her discovery, she continued to a place higher up. After a time of prayer, Isobel arose and returned to the trail. As night approached, she heard the voice of another student.

“I could hear his voice clear and strong, ‘O Father, help me to learn this Book…’ And then I knew he was praying. I tried not to listen and glided more swiftly and carefully onward, but a curve of the path and I saw him, kneeling before the open scriptures, his face right down on the grass even with his knees and his voice cutting the still air with all the freedom of one who believes himself to be entirely alone in the woods. He did not see me at all so occupied was he, and I heard him say, ‘O Father God, I hand over my whole body, soul, and spirit to Thee—do with me as Thou willest.’ Then with thrilled heart I turned and fled down the path out of sight and sound. What I could hardly believe was this praying lad, alone on the mountain consecrating himself to his Maker, was our dear little ‘Brand-New.’”

Whether raising a family, teaching a class, or leading a team on the mission field, self-doubt may assail us: Are we doing any good?

Unaware of how they were impacting the Lisu church, Isobel, John and others had led by example the joy of a long and faithful life in Christ, and the benefit of “keeping tryst” with God. How merciful our heavenly Father was, during those times of self-doubt, to give them glimpses of His glory in the joyful countenance of a fellow believer, or in observing a humble and godly life, or in the over-hearing of earnest hearts in prayer.

These are the things that encourage us to persevere in doing good (Galatians 6:9) and to stay on that narrow way that leads to life (Matthew 7:14). This is how pebbles in a brook truly polish one another. It is by fellowship with other believers that we are polished by the godly living and mutual encouragement of our fellow pebbles.

Note:

* Unless otherwise noted, all quotes are from Nests Above the Abyss, by Isobel Kuhn, China Inland Mission Publishing, 1947.

¹ Isobel Miller Kuhn, gutenberg.org

The story of the blind beggar, found in Luke 18 is one that has recently had a powerful impact on my attitude toward prayer.

The healing of Bartimaeus is the final miracle Jesus performed during His time on earth. I think it is profound that this miracle involved bringing sight to the blind. Jesus went to the cross soon after this miracle, and through His sacrifice, there has brought sight to all those who have received His great salvation and accepted Him as Savior.

During the time Jesus walked on earth, there were a lot of blind people.

Blindness was a common ailment due to the lack of medical knowledge and poor hygiene. The Jewish people believed blindness was a punishment from God for sin, therefore those who were blind were considered sinful and not worthy of pity or help. The Jews believed they were receiving the punishment they deserved, and so it would be wrong to help them in anyway. This is why blind people are often seen as destitute beggars in the Bible accounts. Blind people were considered the lowest of the low.

If we think of how this blind man, blind Bartimaeus, must have felt about himself, it is quite devastating. He would have considered himself under the judgment of God. He would have felt that God was displeased with him and so struck him blind; he would have thought of himself as under God’s judgment, and because of this, had been reduced to total poverty and degradation.

But! When he hears Jesus is passing by, he begins to scream at Him, “Jesus, son of David, have mercy on me!” The word used to describe how this man screamed at Jesus is often a word used to describe how demon possessed people shouted. He shouted at the top of his lungs, like a crazy person in order to get Jesus’ attention. He shouted so loud and insanely, that those around him, the very Jews who considered him a sinner and rightfully blind, told him to be quiet and to stop making a scene.

There are two lessons that struck me from this part of the story.

If someone is shouting desperately for Jesus, no matter who they are or what they have done or how we view them, there is never a time for us to tell them to be quiet.

Thank God, blind Bartimaeus had the faith and courage to keep shouting through the negative voices around him, so that his shouts reached the ears of Jesus.

The second thing I learned is that, no matter what the voices around you or indeed the voices of your own self-condemning thoughts are saying, never let anything stop you from crying out to God with your needs. If you or anybody else is saying you are too sinful or unworthy, remind yourself that it does not matter about what you have done; it matters only that Jesus has given you the gift of righteousness and told you to come boldly into His throne room. Like blind Bartimaeus, keep shouting! Don’t let anything push your prayers to the side, because like this story shows us, there is one person who is always listening; one person who is never too busy; one person who has the power to meet your need, and that, of course, is Jesus.

As blind Bartimaeus continues to shout, Jesus hears his cries and asks for him to be brought over.

He asks Bartimaeus, “What can I do for you?” What a wonderful question to be asked by Jesus. Bartimaeus asks for his sight, and Jesus immediately gives it to him. Through all the voices telling him to be quiet, that he doesn’t count, that he should sit back down and stay in the destitution he is in, Bartimaeus kept shouting, like a demon possessed person. And Jesus heard him and healed him! Jesus is full of compassion and mercy, and this story is included in the New Testament to encourage us to pray like Bartimaeus.

Perhaps we don’t have a crowd shouting at us to tell us to be quiet. But we have distractions enough. We have phones and iPads, children and friends, busy lives and long hours at work, but let me encourage you not to let the crowds of your life shut you up. Don’t forget the power of Jesus; He is “Jesus, son of David” the Messiah, the one who has the power to move in your life and meet your needs. But are you asking? Or are you allowing the crowds and distractions of your life to make you mute?

Our access to God was won for us by Jesus’ great sacrifice; we don’t have to fight for it in the same way Bartimaeus did, but I hope the ease with which we can approach God does not make us complacent. Let’s be tenacious in our prayer life the way Bartimaeus was. The more I learn about prayer, the more I realize tenacity and consistency moves God. So, let’s not have a half-baked prayer life. Let’s not be muted by the loudness of our lives. Let’s pray with boldness, knowing the goodness and grace of the God we are praying to and also knowing that our cries are never an annoyance to Him, but that He welcomes our prayers and meets our needs. What a wonderful God we serve!

“When I remember God, then I am disturbed; when I sigh, then my spirit grows faint. Selah. You have held my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak”– (Psalm 77:3-4)

It’s one thing to bring your troubles to God. It’s another when the trouble is God Himself.

If God is causing the problem, who in the world is going to help you? This is the situation Asaph found himself in. He was a contemporary of both David and Solomon. He prophesied under the direction of David, and he was among that first generation who ministered in the newly-built temple, precious beyond value, filled with the very glory of God. Israel was at the height of its power, in the reigns of its greatest kings. There was peace all around, and such prosperity that silver was accounted as nothing. In the midst of this fabulous blessing, Asaph began receiving visions from the Lord. They are recorded in Psalms 74, 77, 79, 80 and 83.

He saw Jerusalem defiled and sacked, the enemies of God putting up their standards in the midst of the smashed, burned and destroyed temple. He saw a conspiracy of all the nations around Israel to wipe Israel out as a nation. He saw all the meeting places in the land burned, the worship of God suppressed. He saw God’s people oppressed, afflicted, poor and needy. He saw an end of prophecy from God, that He would simply stop communicating with His people, no more answer to prayer. No end in sight, either. He cries out, “How long, O God, will the adversary revile?” (Psalm 74:10). Asaph openly asks questions that are a contradiction for anyone who trusts in the living God:

“Will the Lord reject forever? And will He never be favorable again? Has His lovingkindness ceased forever? Has His promise come to an end forever? Has God forgotten to be gracious, or has He in anger withdrawn His compassion?” (Psalm 77:7-9).

Asaph thought and pondered, trying to figure out what all this ruin and destruction he was seeing meant, even as he was living in the height of peace, prosperity and the nearness of God. And he came to an inescapable conclusion:

Then I said, “It is my grief, that the right hand of the Most High has changed” (Psalm 77:10). What else can it mean? We’re dead; we’re doomed! God has changed His mind! He will abandon us! We’re all dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! But Asaph doesn’t stop there. At least, the Holy Spirit did not let him stop there. Evidently Asaph could not accept that conclusion that he had thought out. So he did something else. He meditated on the word of God.

“I shall remember the deeds of the Lord; surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will meditate on all Your work and muse on Your deeds” (Psalm 77:11-12).

What good will meditating on the word of God do?

What difference will that make with these visions of certain destruction from God? For one thing, Asaph begins thinking about God’s existence.

“Your way, O God, is holy; what god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; You have made known Your strength among the peoples. You have by Your power redeemed Your people, the sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah” (Psalm 77:13-15).

Because he thinks about all God’s works, he has to start at the very beginning: God created the heavens and the earth. Why did He create? Because He is good; His steadfast love endures forever. What god is like the living God? Answer: There is no other god. Every other power is dependent upon God. He alone is the self-existent God who was and is, and is to come. He is, from eternity to eternity. Then Asaph considers that particular work of power God accomplished in redeeming Israel from slavery in Egypt. This was in public, a historical intervention of the power of God, smashing flat Egypt and killing all the firstborn, propelling Israel out of bonds and oppression. Israel exists because God is. Then Asaph says something profound as a result of his meditation:

“Your way was in the sea and Your paths in the mighty waters, and Your footprints may not be known.” Paths are usually made by repeated beating down of vegetation by people’s steps in a way that is seen and known. But God only ever went through the Red Sea once, and His steps may not be known. He doesn’t think like us; He cannot be figured out.

He is unfathomable, beyond finding out.

“’For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts'” (Isaiah 55:8-9).

God showed Asaph visions, had him write them down, and then did not explain them. Some of those visions were fulfilled centuries in the future. Others have not yet happened, even thousands of years later. But figuring out what God was up to was not part of Asaph’s job. Ultimately, he had to trust in God, be satisfied with what God had revealed and not necessarily understand what God was doing.

If you’ve ever tried to figure out what God is doing in your life and your ministry, you know that it doesn’t work. It’s super-turbo-hyper frustrating too. You can ask God, “Why?” till the cows come home, but He won’t budge one inch. God is unfathomable, which means you can’t get to the bottom of what He is doing. It doesn’t matter what kind of genius you are, here your intellect will fail you. But you can think differently by meditating in the word of God. And you can start now and do it every day. Then when God does something in your life that is outrageous, and you try to figure it out, and come up with an answer that contradicts everything you know about God, you have a legitimate way out of your dilemma.

You can think deeply on all His acts and wonders. You can be at peace. You can be humbled. You can even grasp God’s thoughts and His ways. You don’t understand everything, but in a significant and growing way, you do know God. That’s more important. Don’t you think?

My last article traced an introduction to my experience with panic attacks and this second part closes with further reflections on why I am (unexpectedly) thankful for them. In January of this past year, I took time for my first personal retreat weekend in Cornwall at a stately manor home, with a weekend set aside for reading and reflection in solitude. I have been discovering the richness and joy of the gift of solitude.

I thank God that these panic attacks were a catalyst to allow me to find new ways to listen to God’s voice.

During one of our teaching weeks at St. Mellitus, someone made the comment, “If you cannot hear the voice of God, be encouraged! You are learning to hear Him in new ways.” In the desert places, in the wilderness, in the seeking, in the doubt, I discover the new joy of a faith that has been part of all of my life, and specifically the comfort of the presence of Christ. This doesn’t mean that I have learned spectacular new tricks of hearing God’s voice, but rather that I am seeking God’s presence in ordinary ways, even in my places of pain. As one of the great fathers of the faith wrote, “God cannot guide you in any way that is not Christ-like. Jesus was supreme sanity…God is found most clearly and beneficially in the normal rather than in the abnormal. And Jesus is the Normal, for He is the Norm.”¹

Panic attacks became a plague to my sanity, but Jesus Christ, the great Healer, carried “healing in His wings” (Malachi 4:2) and walked with me, even when I needed to learn to trust Him in new and deeper ways than ever before. I have rediscovered, in the words of John Baillie, that, “…Our knowledge of God rests on the revelation of his personal presence…of such a presence it must be true that to those who have never been confronted with it an argument is useless, whilst to those who have, it is superfluous.”² Before my panic attacks, I was convinced of God’s ability to speak. After my panic attacks and learning to attune to His voice and presence in new ways, I am more convinced than ever of His care and authority in my life.

I thank God that living through my panic attacks has given me a deeper compassion for those struggling with mental health and a gentleness in approaching the conversations around the way our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual lives are interlinked. According to the BBC and the annual health survey for England, “One in four adults has been diagnosed with a mental illness at some stage during their lifetime.”³

Despite the prevalence of this struggle, the topic of mental health and mental illness still feels taboo in much of Christian culture.

I mentioned earlier that I posted about my panic attacks publicly on Facebook (which you can view below). That post, on World Mental Health Day, gathered 600+ responses, 300+ comments, 45 shares, and many responding with their own stories of panic, anxiety, PTSD, shame, fear and heartache. The opportunity to explore these questions publicly has given me the space to seek healing personally and learn with friends. As Brene Brown writes:

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of light.”⁵

As in so many other spaces of my life, my companions on the journey of pain have spoken grace, truth and light over my struggles.

And finally, I thank God for my panic attacks because they give me an expectation, a confidence, a hope that my God is still the One who brings beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:1).

My panic attacks drew me closer to the love and person of Jesus Christ.

These struggles enable me to say with clarity, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). Through our Spirituality module, we have explored a wide variety of Christian traditions and experience. One reading asked this question, “In short, does Jesus shed light on all aspects of human existence, or only those that have traditionally been associated with Christian spirituality?”⁵ It is a good and necessary question.

To ask it another way, does Jesus have something to say in and through my panic attacks? Is there space for this vocabulary within the breadth of Christian spirituality? Six months later, I can state with resounding confidence: Yes. Not only has Christ been present and brought help, healing and beauty to even the place of great pain and fear, but I have joined the companionship of the missionaries like Studd, the early desert mothers and fathers, the gentle St. Francis of Assisi, the modern Richard Foster to say, quite simply, that Jesus is my portion.

In light of these things, it is appropriate that I am in a continuing teaching and learning study at my home church, Tubestation, titled, Ancient and Awesome, drawing heavily from the classic book, Celebration of Discipline, by Richard Foster. Alongside my church family, I am rediscovering the joy of solitude, the depths of fasting, the intimacy of meditation, the freedom of submission. Like St. Francis, I am discovering that, “Christ wants you to go about in the world preaching, because God did not call you for yourself alone, but also for the salvation of others.”⁶ My journey of learning is far from finished, but my reflections have already proved valuable for the lives of many loved friends. I pray I continue to be brave enough to look at my own places of pain, darkness, panic, fear, distraction and mental health as spaces to invite a God who loves me to reveal more of Himself, even in my weaknesses.

¹ E. Stanley Jones, The Way (Nashville: Abingdon/Cokesbury, 1946), 283.
² John Baillie, Our Knowledge of God (New York: Charles Scribner’s, 1959), 132.³ https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-3…
⁴ Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection (Center City: Hazelden, 2010), 6.
⁵ Marc Cortez, Christological Anthropology in Historical Perspective (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2016), 22.
⁶ Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline, (London: Hodder & Stoughton, 1989), 223.

My panic attacks first started at the beginning of the summer of 2017, before I embarked on my study of theology. After 33 years of life and ministry, I had experienced mild depression, periods of distraction, weeping and grief, but never anything that deeply challenged my own mental health. The catalyst was hearing of yet another spiritual leader who had entered into moral failure. It was not the first time I had seen failure in my leaders, and it will not be the last, but this leader’s failure shook me to the core. I experienced doubts and discouragement beyond any previous period of my life. My thoughts went along these lines: If this leader has failed, then will it only be a matter of time until I fail in a significant way? And if this leader has failed, was everything they preached publicly and taught privately untrue? In the midst of these questions, I lost sight of truth. My questions and tears blurred my view of God.

After the initial grief, the panic attacks began.

It was usually when I was eating alone, always when I was overtired. For no apparent reason, often on a day that was otherwise full of joy and activity, I would end up in a moment of isolation or loneliness, and in that moment, I would lose sight of truth. Isolation turned to tears, tears turned to panic, panic turned to fear. In that instant, I would suddenly believe things that I surely know are false in the light of day. I believed that I was alone, worthless, forgotten, unloved. Our minds are strange and curious things. I discovered that mine held insecurities I never knew existed. They may have been lurking in the shadows, but in a moment, they grew in strength. They grew stronger than my faith. When my panic attacks began, I asked a few close friends to pray for me. Over the past few months, I have discovered how many have struggled with panic attacks, more than I’ve ever realized. I’m still on the journey of learning about them, although I haven’t had one since I posted about them publicly on my personal Facebook page in October of last year. Like the desert fathers and mothers, I found myself in the midst of a great struggle, but unlike their stories, my struggle and asceticism was not by choice.

During the time of my panic attacks, I looked for healing in many different ways. Speaking to trusted friends brought some relief, as their compassion extended grace to my life. A range of vitamins brought balance to my physical health. A few suggestions, including the immensely practical option of laying spread-eagled on the ground, sometimes with a book on my chest to remind me I am still grounded to earth, brought support. I engaged deeply with spiritual disciplines, including a 10-day silent retreat in Tunisia, daily study and intentional reflection on God’s Word, alongside prayer disciplines gleaned from personal friends and instructors. Prayer became more than just my petitions. Like the desert fathers and mothers, I discovered that “prayer was a continuous way of life…it was intentionally cultivated until it became second nature. Prayer involved the hard work of learning a new language – the language of heaven…the heart yearning for God, reaching out…”²

Scripture is not silent on the topic of mental health.

We read of Elijah, the great warrior prophet, who after one of his greatest spiritual victories, flees to the wilderness and asks God to take away his life (1 Kings 19:4). The Psalms continually echo with anguish, as the Psalmist prays about a life spent with sorrow, years with sighing (Psalm 31:10). Paul tells us that he “boasts of the things that show his weakness” (2 Corinthians 11:30). Despite this, in modern Christian culture, discussing panic attacks can be taboo. My embarrassment about my place of weakness made me want to cover, to hide and to put my best face forward. Most of our culture’s stereotypes about mental health lead to shame, which will always cripple. It says that if we are weak, we are worthless. If we have struggles, we should be sidelined. If we experience places of darkness, we must not be seeking the light. To quote one of my theology teachers at St. Mellitus, Rob Merchant: “Sin drives humanity into the shadows. The Creator is the one who comes into the light and asks, ‘Where are you?’ seeking relationship, not shame.”³

Within this journey, there have been five key reflections, five reasons that I can look back, and quite simply, thank God for my panic attacks. An active study of theology has informed and shaped these reflections, and experiencing the panic attacks in the midst of our spirituality module has brought rich opportunity to reflect on not only the physical challenge, but the weightier spiritual implications. It is by God’s grace I can reflect with thankfulness on my panic attacks and look at this time of pain through the lens of God’s presence rather than His absence. I write from a place of active learning, listening to the voice of the Lord, practicing the presence of God’s Spirit and expecting that growth to continue.

First, I thank God that I was not isolated in my fears and the struggles linked to it.

Not only is Christian history and tradition full of the stories of men and women who struggled with panic and depression, God’s Word is full of many of the same stories. At every corner I turned, in many social media posts, in every theology book I read, in various reflections and readings, this recurring theme of panic, fear and depression seemed boldly highlighted. In addition to well-known historic figures like C. H. Spurgeon, Abraham Lincoln and others who struggled with depression, I encountered the writings of legendary missionary C. T. Studd, who articulated his journey on the mission field in China in this way: “My heart seems worn out and bruised beyond repair, and in my deep loneliness I often wish to be gone.”⁴ This companionship of suffering encouraged me to face my questions with boldness, expectant that there was a way God would speak to me in the midst of this battle. In the words of modern author, John Mark Comer, “My take on depression is that it’s more of a symptom than a disease. That something in your life is causing the depression…what’s underneath the depression? The root under the ground?”⁵

Second, I thank God for using this journey to develop an active humility.

Finding the root and digging into the pain was not an easy process. It required (and still requires) an ongoing vulnerability, an unrelenting honesty about my own weakness, and a willingness to lay my pain and shame into the open, before God first and others second. Most of my adult life, I have been surrounded by friends and family who loved me, but journeying in humility through my pain and questions required a necessary solitude. It was in the spaces where my soul was still before God that I began to find healing for the deeper questions that triggered my panic. Solitude became a space for my soul to experience the deeper presence of God, and the words of Henri Nouwen became true in my own life. He writes:

“Solitude is the garden for our hearts, which yearn for love. It is the place where our aloneness can bear fruit. It is the home for our restless bodies and anxious minds … Solitude is not immediately satisfying, because in solitude we meet our demons, our addictions, our feelings of lust and anger, and our immense need for recognition and approval. But if we do not run away, we will meet there also the One who says, ‘Do not be afraid. I am with you, and I will guide you through the valley of darkness.'”⁶

I find that in many ways, the journey continues. This post shares an introduction, and my next post will give three further reflections on God’s grace and kindness in the midst of my experience with panic attacks. I’d love to hear from you. Comment on my article post shared on the CalvaryChapel.com Facebook account. Have you had similar experiences? And how has God revealed Himself in yours?

¹ See Facebook post below on 10 October, 2017.

² Laura Swan, The Forgotten Desert Mothers: Sayings, Lives and Stories of Early Christian Women (Mahway, NJ: Paulist Press, 2001) 27.
³ As quoted in class on Tuesday, 10 October at St. Mellitus SouthWest Plymouth campus.
⁴ Norman Grubb, C. T. Studd (Fort Washington, PA: CLC, 1982), 144.
⁵ John Mark Comer, Garden City: Work, Rest, and the Art of Being Human (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2015), 18.
⁶ Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey (San Francisco, CA: Harper San Francisco, 1997), 26.

“O You who hear prayer, to You all flesh will come” (Psalm 65:2). I am so thankful for the character of the Living God! He is a good God…and He is a God who hears prayer!!

What if God was deaf to our prayers, or didn’t care?

Many think of God that way. So many people do not pray because they think that God does not know or care about their lives. But the revelation of Scripture from beginning to end shows that Yahweh God is one who hears, cares and acts on behalf of human beings. In Genesis we see a God that walked with the people He created and was intimately aware and concerned for their wellbeing. He gave them everything they needed to live, be healthy and enjoy life together with their Creator. And when they got into trouble, He was the first One on the scene to instruct them and give them hope for their future (Genesis 3).

Scripture reveals God as One who “comes down” (See Genesis 18:20-21; Exodus 3:1-8; John 3:16-17). He is a God who invests in the life of His people. He is a God who is willing to get involved and even to leave the glory of His heavenly home to “come down” to earth and even allow His own Son to experience firsthand the consequences of sin and life on a fallen planet, all for those He has made.

The Psalms record the honest cries of people like us, who cry out to God, and rejoice when God answers. Psalm 116:1 says, “I love the LORD, because He has heard my voice and my supplications.” I really appreciate the honesty of the psalmist here. I know this is a true statement for myself as well. I love the Lord because He hears my cries. I admit my shallowness in this, but just as a child loves a parent that is attentive to their needs, I can appreciate loving my heavenly Father because He is a good dad who hears my cries. That doesn’t mean things always turn out the way I would like (Stay tuned for part two of this series next time, as I will write on the subject of “When prayer doesn’t turn out the way we think it should”).

But the point here is that God is listening to us.

He is aware, and He is helping us. And quite honestly, we love Him because of that.

This past week I read again the story of Hezekiah in Isaiah 37. Hezekiah was faced with an incredible, life-threatening challenge. The army of Sennacherib, King of Assyria, had been destroying city after city. Sennacherib and his army now threatened Jerusalem. Hezekiah’s response to this threat was to take the letter of warning from the army of Assyria into his prayer closet and spread it before His God. Isaiah 37:14-20 records the event:

“And Hezekiah received the letter from the hand of the messengers, and read it; and Hezekiah went up to the house of the LORD, and spread it before the LORD. Then Hezekiah prayed to the LORD, saying: ‘O LORD of hosts, God of Israel, the One who dwells between the cherubim, You are God, You alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth. Incline Your ear, O LORD, and hear; open Your eyes, O LORD, and see; and hear all the words of Sennacherib, which he has sent to reproach the living God. Truly, LORD, the kings of Assyria have laid waste all the nations and their lands, and have cast their gods into the fire; for they were not gods, but the work of men’s hands—wood and stone. Therefore they destroyed them. Now therefore, O LORD our God, save us from his hand, that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You are the LORD, You alone.'”

And the result of this prayer is recorded as well. God heard and answered this heartfelt prayer and powerfully rescued Jerusalem and Hezekiah from this threat. You can read on in Isaiah 37 to find out the amazing deliverance. And reading on into Isaiah 38, you will find more answered prayer as Hezekiah pleads with God to extend his life, and God does!

These experiences of answered prayer are not just old stories in a book written long ago.

They are experiences still happening today in the lives of Christian believers worldwide. I have my own stories, and I am sure you have yours too! For instance, each of my children have had near brushes with death. And they are still alive and worshiping God by His grace and answers to prayer!

Isaac, our oldest son, nearly choked to death at six months old. I remember crying out to Jesus as he turned purple and then blue. I knew 911 would not be fast enough to help us, and I could not get the food un-lodged from his throat. Yet as I was crying out to Jesus, He heard my cries and opened our son’s throat! Our daughter, Lauren, caught a respiratory virus (RSV) at six weeks old and was hospitalized. The odds were very high that she would not survive the illness, since she was so young. Many people were praying for her, and she was released from the hospital in three days, already recovering! Our youngest son, Seth, fell from an eight foot high loft and hit a hard wood floor on his head at only four years old. He also turned purple and had a nerve- racking ambulance ride to the hospital. We were sure he would have broken his neck, back or worse, not even breathe again after hitting that hard floor! But amazingly he had no damage when he was examined and X-rayed at the hospital. They are all three alive and well, loving and serving Jesus!

There are so many more stories of answered prayer in our lives. I don’t have time to write them all! But as a pastor’s wife and missionary, we are so often literally living by faith “feeding on His faithfulness” (Psalm 37:3). And God has always taken such good care of us. As the Psalmist says, “I have been young and now am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his descendants begging bread” (Psalm 37:25).

If you are wondering if God is listening, and if He cares, doubt no longer.

Open the pages of His word and see the revelation of His care from beginning to end. Cry out to Him with the burdens of your heart. It may not be immediate, and it may not be what you think, but He will be working in your life for good. That’s the kind of God He IS!

Recently I was given the great privilege of seeing some of the fruit from the youth ministry I pioneered over 15 years ago while speaking at a youth retreat. As I observed those I once encouraged encouraging others, it led me to consider the value of our investments and the way we spread our influence to others as we allow God to lead.

As I thought back to the first time I met the present youth pastor, I remember an impressionable, young teenager constantly trying to figure out his identity and purpose moving from one friend group to another. Today he is a bold witness for Christ giving hope to the next generation, helping them to know Christ and make an impact in this world for His glory.

In John 4, Jesus intentionally goes to a damaged Samaritan woman who was seeking fulfillment from her relationships with other men. When Jesus enters her life, her story changes. Jesus points out that she had five husbands, and the man she was now living with was not her husband. Interestingly, this made Jesus the seventh man to come into her life. Since seven is the number of completion in Scripture, it is only fitting that she would find her complete fulfillment in Him. But the story continues with, “And many of the Samaritans of that city believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified…” (John 4:39). Therefore, this single redemptive story led to many more inspiring stories to be written.

While guest speaking at another church recently, I was struck at the realization that the entire leadership team was made up of a group of men that I used to disciple on a weekly basis in an upper room of my house. Although there was much that I was not able to teach them at that time, I was able to see how others filled in the gaps, filling what was lacking in their faith, revealing once again how one story feeds into another story until God’s greater purpose is fulfilled.

We may never know how far our influence will go but when God is the one writing our story, the pages of our lives will always be read and absorbed by others and then mysteriously translated and reproduced over time.

The Apostle Paul explains this same process when he tells the Corinthian believers how they were the living evidence of his ministry, saying:

“You are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read by all men; clearly you are an epistle of Christ, ministered by us, written not with ink but by the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of flesh, that is, of the heart” (2 Corinthians 3:2-3).

It is important to know that our stewardship is not based on how others respond to us, but rather, on how we respond to the Lord.

However, we would be insincere if we were not concerned about the spiritual state of others and miss the satisfaction of seeing the fruit of our labor. The Apostle John reiterated this, saying, “I have no greater joy than to see my children walk in the truth” (2 John 4). We experienced this joy when we turned the church we planted in Cambridge, England, over to the British leadership we raised up after 10 years of service overseas.

As the years go by, we will hopefully see more of our influence, but whether we see lasting fruit now or not, we are given the promise by the Apostle Paul not to “grow weary while doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not lose heart” (Galatians 6:9). This should encourage us to follow God more closely knowing that our past obedience will become our future influence.

After all, “We are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which He prepared beforehand that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10). Since our lives are studied and read by others, we must constantly hand the pen over to God, so that the story being written is all that the Divine Author intends for us.

So the question you must answer now is: Who is holding the pen at this time in your life story?

Let me leave you with three key steps in the ART of handing over the pen to God using the following acronym A.R.T.:

Authorship
Revision
Time

1. Authorship

Allow God to have the full authority of your life by handing the authorship of your story over to Him on a daily basis. Far too many people want to author their own story, but the Bible warns us that, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death” (Proverbs 14:12). We must remember that God will always write a better story than we ever could. Therefore submit to His Lordship in all areas of your life.

2. Revision

Every good story goes through many revisions, so let God amend your ways. Since we are creatures of habit, the past will often dictate the future unless we bring our lives in alignment with God’s Word. He alone is able to edit the wasted content of our damaged pages while giving us fresh vision for the pages not yet written. Only as we saturate ourselves in the Word, can we “be transformed by the renewing of [our] minds,” and “prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God” (Romans 12:2). Therefore allow the Spirit to lead you in your next steps.

3. Time

Even now time is running out, so let us redeem the time, knowing that our story only lasts as long as our pages. We may not be able to count our days, but we can make each day count. It is only as we spend time with God and sanctify Him in our hearts that we will inspire new stories to be written in the lives of others. Jesus is the Author who revises us over time until we are just like Him. Therefore let us not delay what God is calling us to do today.

May we have this attitude of the psalmist, “My heart is overflowing with a good theme; I recite my composition concerning the King; my tongue is the pen of a ready writer” (Psalm 45:1).

Maybe you’ve heard of CrossFit. I’m one of those crazy people who have bought into their way of using constantly varied, functional movements at a high intensity. Basically this just means you work really hard, never at the same things, in a way that will make your everyday life better. This isn’t an ad for CrossFit, but I wanted to share a parallel I found in regards to my walk with God. CrossFit is hard and walking with God is far from an easy road at times. One of the benefits of this type of workout is that you should be ready for anything life may throw at you. This can be described as a hopper, think a drum full of different workouts or movements. The idea is that you would turn the cranks, spin the hopper and then blindly choose a workout. Some movements you would excel at; others would be more challenging and make you want to run away screaming.

The goal is to accomplish the hard stuff, rather than sticking to the things you are already good at.

Otherwise your overall fitness will be stunted.

Doesn’t life feel like this hopper sometimes? There are seasons when things seem to run smoothly, falling into place like a storybook. Other times it’s as if someone is playing a series of practical jokes on you, because nothing seems easy and everything hurts. I understand. Greg Glassman, the creator of CrossFit, said it like this: “There is more traction, more advantage, more opportunity in pursuing headlong that event or skill that you do not want to see come out of the hopper than putting more time into the ones where you already excel.”

Paul, an apostle of Jesus, talked about facing hard things like this:
“I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,[a] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us” (Philippians 3:12-14).

The natural inclination is to try to run away from the hard things, but we can’t just wish the difficulties of life away.

We have to be grown ups, don’t we? We won’t get any stronger, wiser or better equipped for what is ahead unless we run straight into what we don’t always know how to accomplish. The cool part is that God gets it; He knows the road ahead and the way to navigate it. If we will let God into our hearts and our lives, He has promised that He will walk along with us, strengthening us when we are inches away from giving up.

Life is unpredictable, something I am learning more and more each day as my two daughters are now in high school. My list of “conversations I thought I’d never have” is getting longer and longer. But something else I am learning is that once we come through a difficult conversation or an intense situation, we end up being stronger than we were before. Just as I am getting stronger by practicing new ways of fitness, I am learning to not let myself be controlled by the fear of what might possibly come out of the “hopper” of life. I can trust that no matter what is coming next, God is already there, like the best fitness coach I’ve ever had. He will correct things I am lacking, encourage me when I’m faltering and will ultimately celebrate with me when I conquer what felt unconquerable.